Average Age of the New Bachelor Cast Is 25, Median Name Is 'Lauren'

ABC has just announced the 28 contestants who will vie for reanimated Ken doll Ben Higgins’ heart this January. None of them are over 30 (Higgins is 26), and one listed her occupation as “chicken enthusiast.” This should go really well.

The 20th season of The Bachelor, the network recently promised in a breathless promo, will be “far from boring”—a statement I fully believe, now that I’ve discovered that there are 4 Laurens and a Laura, so many Laurens that one of them, in a Bachelor first, will have to go by her full name. If that isn’t interesting, I don’t know what is!

Two alums are returning, definitely for the right reasons—Amber, 30, the unlucky-in-love bartender who was dumped by Chris Soules on last season of The Bachelor and some bearded loser named Dan on Bachelor in Paradise, and Becca, 26, who has extremely white teeth and was the runner-up on Chris’s season. You might recall a fun moment with Becca’s family from last season, in which her sister warned Chris that Becca was “cold.”

Other cast members include 22-year-old identical twins from Las Vegas whose occupations are listed as “twin,” a 23-year-old gerontologist, a war veteran named Jubilee, a “cowgirl” who spells her name M-A-E-G-A-N, a 27-year-old Utah mathematician named Shushannah, an honest-to-goodness pale-skinned redhead who will be eliminated immediately, and Tiara, our beloved chicken enthusiast. Mandi Kremer, a dentist from Portland, OR, is also worth noting for one very colorful audition tape:

Which lucky drunkard will snap up this “charming software salesman,” whose vocation seems like it was probably phased out in 2005? Tune in on January 4th!