Jezebel
Call us crazy, but we're pretty sure that there is nary a marriage-minded, straight dude out there trolling the editorial content of TheKnot.com in his spare time. Hence our confusion regarding the massive amount of space (not to mention time — we pity the poor intern who had to compile this list) given to the feature "100 Ways To Pop The Question." After the jump, some of TheKnot's not-so-modest proposals.
They say: Want to really surprise your sweetheart? Cut out the bottom of a big box, wrap it with pretty paper and ribbon, and attach a card that says, "What's inside the box is a gift to last a lifetime." "Deliver" yourself to his or her office or front door.
We say: Didn't Timberlake already do this on SNL?
They say: Freeze the ring in a homemade Popsicle, and give your sweet two treats in one!
We say: Hope you know the Heimlich!
They say: Write your proposal in sunscreen on your tummy, so that your tan will "stencil in" the words. She will be so touched you've taken such an, um, interesting approach, she will accept immediately.
We say: Loser.
They say: Draw a hopscotch board on the sidewalk and invite your honey out for a game. Once he or she has succumbed to a little childhood play, replace the pebble you're using with the real rock!
We say: Don't fucking throw jewelry at us.
They say: Steal from that famous Say Anything scene — park yourself outside her house with a stereo blaring your favorite tune and propose on the front lawn
We say: Restraining order.
They say: Play Hangman and have the phrase be "Marry Me."
We say: Noose... marriage. We get it already.
100 Ways To Pop The Question [TheKnot.com]
Comments
There's no "pee the proposal in the snow to give her a winter wonderland surprise" recommendation?
Great Tips from THE NOOSE, Eeer, I eman the THE KNOT.
have a kidney removed. place the ring in the kidney. present it to your loved one to show how much you will sacrifice for him/her, and that s/he is a part of you, body and soul.
Cut off your ear, a la Van Gogh. Place the ring in your detached ear. Mail the whole lot to her, with the note, "The idea of marrying you has been ringing in my ear." She'll squeal with delight!
The last frontier in bodily mutilation as a means of proposal is suicide, obvs. The Knot is halfway there.
If you're loser enough to use a suggestion from The Knot, chances are you act like a loser most of the time. And, if you suddenly surprise "your sweetie" (gag) with a rose-petal path to a bubble bath, chances are she'll be thinking: "Who put him up to this and where's the catch?"
Then, after you propose, she's going to be thinking: "That was the last romantic gesture he will ever attempt...hell no!"
doxastic:
Then she can sell the kidney on the black market and you can start your wonderful life together with a substantial nest egg.
Want to really surprise your sweetheart? Wrap a box with pretty paper and ribbon and place your positive Herpes II test inside. Attach a card that says, "With a family insurance plan, Valtrex might be cheaper."
good gawd, women who want a proposal like that are the types that reply to evites with "I have to check with my other half"
Um, so you weren't whole before the wedding or you lost 1/2 yourself after the wedding? I tend to think it is the latter.
I am not trying to crack a tooth on someone's stank ol' blood diamond. Where do people come up with these things? Do people over the age of 6 have tummies?
Whatever happened to just knocking her up?
I doubt proposal-planning men are their target audience. This is just one more way for Bridezillas to find fault with their fiances for failing to come up with a truly "magical" proposal scenario.
Or, you know, you could just say "Will you marry me?" I've heard that works pretty well.
This is wrong wrong wrong ...
But too damn funny.
This makes the tumbleweeds blowing through my uterus infinitely more tolerable. But I'm surprised there was no mention of the word "Jumbotron". Probably saving that for Part 2.
Why not just swallow the ring and then barf it up in her lap? You're already being nauseating, after all...
It's clearly targeted to the women who will print out the list and give it to their boyfriends. Or more likely, passive-aggressively leave it somewhere he can find it and pretend it was unintentional. "Oh, that? It's nothing...but aren't those ideas super cute? We've been dating, what, two years? I don't mean anything by that! Let's cuddle and watch this show on destination weddings."
[I hope this gets through and doesn't wind up a triple post. Gawker Media server does not love me today]
@Hez: Boy, did you ever call it. Check under "Active Endeavors" for this: "High school or college sweethearts? During homecoming, have your alma mater flash 'Will You Marry Me?' across the Jumbotron."
Hey, I'm not ashamed to admit I think some of those things are kind of sweet. Emphasis on some. (This one? "Propose at the place of worship where you'd like to be married. Arrange ahead of time to sneak in and use the altar to make the spot all-the-more special." CREEPY)
@SylviaPlathWasFramed: or getting him to knock you up -- sometimes it backfires and you wind up in 60k worth of debt in one year between the wedding, the baby and the divorce.
OH. My wife and I would get on there to antagonize the shallow masses about weddings that they couldn't afford and the time they spent agonizing over trivial details. In specific, a coworker's fiance. She was so very shallow and henpecked her dood to death. Every time we saw her she bored us to tears with the knot forum activity. So, I would log on and drive-by her and get all the hens clucking. For a few months, definitely a guilty pleasure.
Looking around to see if I'm the only one who thinks weddings have gotten out of hand.
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