When I’m in crisis mode, I ask myself: “What would Matilda do?” While the answer (telekinesis) isn’t always helpful, there are some phrases, inspired by children’s lit characters, that one should always keep in mind.
Kishi Style: A method of keeping one’s addiction under wraps by hiding incriminating evidence in secret places.
Ex: “I know I said I threw this Backstreet Boys cd out 10 years ago, but I’ve really been hiding it, Kishi Style, behind my bookcase.”
Could Have Been Renesmee: A helpful phrase used when a friend announces that she is naming her child or pet something fairly ridiculous.
Ex: “Gillian has decided to name her daughter Shampoo, and she’s going to spell it Schampooh. I guess it could have been worse. Could have been Renesmee.”
Granger Danger: What one finds oneself in when they insist upon correcting their friends and acting like a general know-it-all on a daily basis.
Ex: “I love her to death, but providing me with the alternate pronunciation, word origin, and proper spelling of every word I say is sending her in to serious Granger Danger territory.”
Golly-Up: If you write something down about someone you know, and they find out about it, be prepared to “do two things, and you don’t like either one of them. 1: You have to apologize. 2: You have to lie. Otherwise you are going to lose a friend.”
Ex: “I didn’t make that blog post private, so now I’m going to have to Golly-Up and apologize to her.”
Remember The Egg Fad: Words of advice to a friend who insists upon following stupid trends, and is on her way to ending up with egg all over her face, Ramona Quimby style.
Ex: “Dude, I am telling you, the no-pants trend isn’t worth it. Remember the Egg Fad!”
Feel free to add to this list in the comments!
