Things That Are Bigger Than the WNBA’s All-Star MVP Trophy

After a thrilling WNBA All-Star Game on Sunday, it was anyone’s guess who would be crowned the game’s Most Valuable Player. Would it be Sabrina Ionescu, who scored 19 in her first All-Star game and won the Skills Competition title? Would it be Sylvia Fowles with a monster dunk in her final All-Star game? Or maybe Candace Parker, who hit an amazing four-pointer in the final minutes in front of her home crowd?

But All-Star newcomer Kelsey Plum, who scored 30 points and tied the record for an All-Star Game debut, ultimately nabbed the trophy. A very small, almost miniature trophy. A trophy that is so tiny and delicate, Plum actually looks kind of stressed holding it.

It’s unfortunately not surprising, but still so silly to give the professional athlete who played the best in the game showcasing the best professional athletes something that looks like it’d be given to the winner of a middle school spelling bee. After two hours of incredible athleticism, Plum got a dainty little cup for being one of the best in her profession.

I, for one, am sick of the disrespect, so I’m using my bloggy pulpit to call attention to at least this one injustice. Here is a slideshow of things that are bigger than the award given to one of the WNBA’s top athletes.

Capone, a lovely rescue dog who won the Best in Snoring competition and the American Rescue Dog Show “Best in Show,” got two trophies. Both were bigger than Plum’s All-Star MVP trophy.

The Stanley Cup is much, much bigger than Plum’s MVP trophy—so much so that I worry about his tired arms carrying it on such a slippery surface.

The trophy is swallowed by Plum’s hands, unlike the regulation basketball that she used to score 30 points in her first All-Star Game appearance.

The Heisman Memorial Trophy, which is given to amateur college football players, is so much bigger than the WNBA ASG MVP trophy, and I am incensed. Plum should also have to flex to hold up her trophy, without being worried about breaking it.

The WNBA All-Star MVP trophy looks like someone stopped off at Party City on the way to the arena. The website says this “Jumbo Trophy” is a little over nine inches. Honestly, the Party City trophy would have been an upgrade.

My parents adopted a three-pound puppy about a decade ago and eventually, she grew to a whole five pounds. She is bigger than Kelsey Plum’s MVP trophy.

Australian tennis player Nick Kyrgios is pictured here enjoying a banana after the men’s singles final match at Wimbledon. This banana is bigger than Plum’s ASG MVP trophy. In fact, it’s so much bigger, than you could have given this banana the MVP trophy for being the banana that was chosen by Kyrgios.

If Jimmy Buffett can figure out how to get a pointless, decorative margarita glass—that is being awarded to no one for nothing—then someone in the WNBA organization can figure out how to get Plum a trophy that could, at the very least, be large enough to hold a margarita.

Look at all these huge basketball trophies. Whoever is in charge of picking out trophies for the WNBA had more than enough reference photos to understand the appropriate size of a trophy. Not only is the NBA Championship trophy bigger, but so is Steph Curry’s Finals MVP trophy. Both could crush Plum’s trophy without even realizing it.

Steph Curry also won the NBA All-Star Game MVP trophy this year and it’s about 15 times the size of Plum’s trophy. Was there no two-for-one deal available? Does this even look like a trophy? No, it looks like a custom-designed scale model of the Fortress of Solitude. Definitely not something you could grab last minute from Party City.