A Brief Superlatives Guide to Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce’s Wedding

To those who regularly read this column, I want to first say thank you, and also to apologize. I thought long and hard about writing yet another little piece about Taylor Swift’s wedding, but decided in favor of doing so, because there are just so many insane little details. And also, very soon, it will no longer be at the forefront of the online conversation or on the homepage of most major media outlets (including the paper of record); that is to say, if you’re a hater (or apathetic), your long national nightmare will soon be over, and I understand if you want to stop reading now.

However, for those of you still interested, I spent the weekend (when I wasn’t glued to World Cup games and the resulting drama) combing through every detail available about the wedding, for better or worse (worse, it’s absolutely for worse). 

It seems like the happy couple packed just about every activity you can think of into the evening: After self-written vows that took a reported 20 minutes (obviously, I trust Taylor on this—“All Too Well (10 Minute Version)” is a triumph—but I’m not so sure about Travis Kelce’s ability to write multiple sentences), guests ate “everything from steak to donuts” (per DeuxMoi) from the “couple’s favorite New York City restaurants” (per TODAY), and late-night karaoke included songs sung by Sabrina Carpenter and Ciara (which is against the spirit of karaoke; it’s for amateurs!). There were arcade games, and the tickets guests won from those games were then entered into a raffle. Paul McCartney and Stevie Nicks performed; Taylor did not (though she did reportedly sing a bit during her vows).

The party line seems to be that the wedding was beautiful and surprisingly intimate for such a huge, impersonal venue; that Taylor and Travis are so in love; and that a great time was had by all. No one emerged looking sweaty or like they’d been overserved, though, and in my experience, those are the tell-tale signs of a good wedding. Maybe celebrities are actually not at all like us. 

The internet is full to bursting with stories on everything we know so far (which is actually relatively little—those NDAs are working), and you could spend hours looking everything up, but for those who don’t have the time, here’s my brief Superlatives Guide to Taylor & Travis’s wedding: 

• Most random guest, highbrow: Zadie Smith
• Most random guest, middlebrow: Alison Roman
• Most random guest, lowbrow: tie, The Chainsmokers and Tate McRae 
• Biggest not-invited snub: Blake Lively 
• Tackiest detail: The raffle included designer bags, Cartier watches, and a vintage car (???). This concept makes me full-body cringe, but I’m obviously dying for more details. Did Taylor and Travis just pull tickets out of a hat? Were the gifts donated by brands for PR?? Someone please break their NDA for this. 
• Best non-celeb moment: Ashley Smith, sister of Chiefs’ player Trey Smith, posted on Instagram that she caught the bouquet (which, I’m sorry, looks like the bouquet you’d spot at a 20-person backyard wedding, not a multi-million-dollar affair).
• Biggest “Travis picked this” energy: Adam Sandler as their officiant 
• Best non-Karlie Kloss Taylor-lore wedding guest: Gabriella Brooks, current fiancé of Liam Hemsworth, who dated Matty Healy from 2015 to 2019 
• Element most likely to be resurrected in future album visuals: the double-T emblem, which looks something I would have doodled in my notebook during biology in ninth grade
• Most egregious online misinformation: that Taylor and Travis are headed to Israel for their honeymoon.
• Runner-up for most egregious misinformation: any “photos” you’ve seen of the bride or groom thus far. They’re definitely AI.
• My top unanswered question: What was the plus-one distribution like? Gracie Abrams attended sans Paul Mescal, but he was tagged in pictures from a family wedding, so it’s likely he was invited but couldn’t go. Emma Stone, a longtime Swift bestie, appeared to be sans her husband, but Gigi Hadid’s boyfriend, Bradley Cooper, attended, as did—apparently—Roman’s very-much-not-a-celebrity husband, Max Cantor.

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• Prince Harry is not allowed to stay at Buckingham Palace during his upcoming London visit, despite it having 52 royal bedrooms. [Guardian]
• Dianna Agron spotted—not at Taylor Swift’s wedding. [E!]
• Is Ariana Grande back with her ex, Ricky Alvarez? 
• James Talarico has the Willie Nelson endorsement. [X]