Bill Pulte, Trump’s New Pick for DNI, is Inexperienced, Unqualified, and the Winner of a Creepy Dildo Award

The administration is one in which idiocy appears rampant and not a lick of intelligent life can be seen—so it’s only natural that Trump’s pick to lead National Intelligence also appears to be yet another severely unqualified, MAGA-brained bozo. 

Bill Pulte was tapped by Trump via Truth Social on Tuesday to replace Tulsi Gabbard, about two weeks after she stepped down from her post as DNI, citing concerns over her husband’s cancer. (Unlike her female peers, Gabbard seems to have gone of her own accord.) And maybe it’s because he’s got zero experience in intel, the fact he’s shown a taste for waging Trump’s revenge campaign, or he once won a “Fucks Only The Young” dildo award at an informal ceremony in in 2023, but lawmakers are… concerned. 

Pulte is one of the lesser recognized faces in MAGA, though one that was notably threatened with a punch by Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent during a private GOP dinner in November. (Apparently, Pulte had been gossiping about Bessent behind his back.) Pulte’s been head of the Federal Housing Finance Agency since March 2025, typically a low-profile job that handles overseeing the mortgage market, but has used his position to launch unnecessary mortgage fraud investigations against Trump’s enemies—including an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to prosecute New York Attorney General Letitia James (D) in October. As such, he’s built a reputation for himself of politicizing offices on behalf of Trump—which bodes, um, not so well for National Intelligence. 

the current director of national intelligence is a guy who two years ago received a trophy declaring he “Fucks Only The Young” at an (oddly dildo focused) event he organized dedicated to the conspiracy that Bed Bath and Beyond never actually went bankrupt

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— paris martineau (@paris.nyc) June 2, 2026 at 1:43 PM

 

Given his disqualifications, Democrats are expected to oppose Pulte’s coming nomination, though when asked by reporters about this, House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.)—who monitors porn intake with his son, BTW—replied, “Democrats wouldn’t trust Jesus.” “When you have a party whose sole objective every day is to stop the president, wreck the administration, make his life miserable, not go along with any of his appointments or any of his agenda, it creates a real crisis for the American people.” Not like the party causing real crises is the one catapulting lawsuits left and right… but OK!

And leave it to Johnson to read the room completely wrong—because, apparently, its not just Dems who are iffy about a potential Pulte confirmation—but Republicans, too. 

“Anyone performing this role of such immense public trust must have the extensive national security experience required by statute,” Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said, not addressing Pulte by name—but not really having to, either. “No nominee who falls short of this requirement will earn my vote.” Sen. Majority Leader John Thune (R-South Dakota) also didn’t mince words, saying, “We don’t need a weaponized DNI.” And speaking to the Independent, Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) also questioned the pick. “I’m not familiar at all with any background that he may have when it comes to to intelligence, and it seems to me that this is a pretty important role for you to have that level of expertise to bring to the table.” 

Concerningly, Trump still seems to think that Pulte’s history is some hallmark of his qualifications—suggesting that, maybe, politicization can be in the future of the DNI. “William has deep experience managing the most sensitive matters in America,” the president wrote in his Truth Social. Scary! 

If picked for DNI, Pulte would become the highest-ranking intelligence official, in charge of overseeing 18 agencies across the department. Still, to officially get the position, he will have to be formally nominated by Trump, considered by the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, and win a simple majority vote in the upper chamber. And, well, let’s just hope this one is as much of an uphill battle as it seems.