Cate Blanchett won a SAG award last night (hooray!) for her performance as Blanche DuBois in Woody Allen Movie No. 463. She was understandably thrilled about winning, but not so thrilled about getting the hurry-it-along music after 29 seconds, especially since America’s stoned older cousin who made us all watch A Nightmare on Elm Street when we were too young to handle it, Matthew McConaughey, was allowed all the time in the world to talk about Neptune and bug out his eyes at the audience.
This gif of Cate Blanchett jerking off her SAG award is the appropriate reaction to whatever profound thing McConaughey thought he was saying about “the craft” in his own SAG acceptance speech:
The rule to follow here, obviously, is that Matthew McConaughey should always get the least amount of time to speak in public because he is the most stoned of anyone at an awards show whose name isn’t Woody Harrelson.
