I have so many questions.
“The very very elegant and gracious Former First. Lady, Mrs. Laura Bush on American Airlines.:today from Dallas Enroute to New York. With Yours truly wrapped in Fendi squirrel warding off a long cold. She is so genuinely warm,gracious and took selfies with everyone who asked! True Grace! I admire her elegance!”
But really, how does a single squirrel, born with nothing but a need to burrow nuts to his or her name, ascend to the title of “Fendi,” and why is the combination of the words “Fendi” and “squirrel” worse than the existence of the word “moist?”
Does becoming a Fendi Squirrel involve some sort of quasi-Druidic ritual? Does Anna Wintour preside as High Priestess as the fur of a squirrel (called “vair,” by the way) is brought before her? Does she place a wreath made out of the sinews of former interns—complete with an attachment for her sunglasses—on her head before said ritual? Is this wreath designed by the ghost of Yves Saint Laurent, which she keeps in a jar and only lets out to roam free for such occasions?
Is the word “vair” even grosser than the combination of the words “Fendi” and “squirrel?”
Does she then whisper to the fur of the Fendi squirrel-to-be one sole incantation? Does this incantation involve the phrase “death to Tim Gunn”?
Does Naomi Campbell then throw a smartphone into a bonfire to signify a rebirth-through-fire?
If a Fendi squirrel does not smize properly, does Tyra Banks throttle out of the shadows and scream, “WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!”?
And what other ailments do Fendi squirrels protect a human wearer against? Gout? Typhoid? Netflix binges?
Please discuss.
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Image via screengrab.
