March Madness marches on: So much booze. So many drugs. So little time.
First of all, a round of applause to Friday’s winners, Coke, Advil, Vodka, and PBR, who will advance in this competition. Farewell, Heroin! Goodbye Tylenol! Auf wiedersehen, Jager Bomb! Buh-Bye, Boone’s Farm! We’re pouring some out for you homies.
Updated bracket below; printable bracket here.
Get your pom-poms ready, it’s time to cheer for your favorite teams in a whole new round of games!
Over in Illegal Drug stadium, conquering hero Weed (1) is up against twitchy underdog Bath Salts (8). Pretty sure Weed is the fan favorite here, but we’ll see.
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A trippier match is the one between Quaaludes (5) and Mushrooms (4). While ‘Ludes have the cachet of hailing from the Gyllenhaal/Sarsgaard School of Nomenclature, ‘Shrooms have that all-natural, organic vibe going and everyone loves taking them camping.
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Even more mind-bending: LSD (11) vs. Molly (3). This game’s got a generational divide going on: Old School versus New Cool, Mad Men vs. Miley. Anything can happen.
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Finally, Ayahuasca (10) vs. Coke (2) : Would you rather get in touch with your inner child while romping through the spirit world guided by a shaman, only to violently projectile vomit? Or do you want to get all amped up and talk a mile a minute while sweating through heart palpitations? In the immortal works of Black Sheep: The choice is yours.
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Next up, at the Legal Drugs amphitheater, a huge match-up: Caffeine (1) vs. Immodium (8). These are both hugely important chemicals. One the one hand, you gotta get up to get down. On the other: Who else is saving your ass?
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