Millie Bobby Brown Was a Gay Soldier Impaled Through the Back by Sword…in a Past Life

Got a random birthmark on your leg or arm or torso? Consider it the place where your former self suffered their fatal wound. A scar that followed your spirit into your new life. Your death mark, perhaps! Or is having a little fun and whimsy illegal these days? Let’s take a page out of Millie Bobby Brown’s book.

Brown is receiving my coveted nod of approval for remembering that celebrities and press tours can still be fun, because in a world of whimsy-less, media-trained celebrities who’ve been coached for every answer, Millie is keeping things interesting for us plebes. While promoting the new season of Enola Holmes in a Capital Buzz video interview alongside costar Louis Partridge, Brown revealed that she knows exactly who she was in a past life: a gay soldier, as evidenced by her birthmark. Okay, Millie. I’m listening…

“Basically, I have a birthmark [on] my lower back, the very bottom of my kind of spine, which is obviously meant to be the way that you died in your past life,” she told Partridge. According to some past-life believers, a birthmark on your back means your former self suffered a fatal betrayal. Gasp. So who stabbed Millie Bobby Brown’s past self in the back? Was it you, David Harbour? Or David Harbour’s former human inhabitant?

“In war, some, well, I don’t know if this happened a lot or not, but… to kill people and make them have a painful death, they would put swords up people’s spines,” she said. “So they were completely paralyzed, but they would obviously kind of die, and that’s how I think I died. So I think I might have been a soldier.” I don’t know where she sourced this info, but I believe her.

“And I was definitely a man. Hopefully a closeted gay man,” she added. Why? No one knows. Just for fun. Only Millie Bobby Brown’s former self knows…who may have died in the Crusades or the Battle of Hastings, if I’m taking guesses. Brown then asked Partridge if he was as in tune with his past life as she was, to which he replied, “No, I don’t believe in past lives.” Boring!

Partridge also claimed he didn’t recognize “Midnight Sun” by Zara Larsson, the song of the summer, so there’s a credibility issue there for sure. What if we all had a little more fun? (Maybe that’s why Brown was invited to the wedding of the century…) One day, Brown might just earn herself a spot in the Never Boring Celebrity Press Hall of Fame, right up there with the legends, Robert Pattinson and Nicole Kidman. We shall see.

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