This Stranger Things Season 3 Teaser Reminds Us Once Again That Claire's Is Gone

Starcourt Mall was for sure the place to be in Hawkins, Indiana, though I think we should definitely be be wary of the blonde dude dancing by himself next to the mall plants. Steve, of course, is slinging ice cream alongside a new cast member at a place called “Scoops Ahoy,” which are the words I would like etched on my tombstone with no accompanying explanation.

Variety, which is much smarter than me, pegged the newly released “Born in the USA” in the Sam Goody window and Tom Clancy’s “The Hunt for Red October” in the Waldenbooks display (another place I definitely do not remember existing, thank you) to the year 1984.

What horrors await at Starcourt? My prediction is something wet and frightening will pop out of that prominently featured fountain, then get its ears pierced at Claire’s before eating the Gap mannequin wearing the American flag hat. It will be a metaphor for…something.