In a bit of news suggesting that one national nightmare cannot begin until another has ended, Brad Pitt has been cleared of all child abuse investigations stemming from an incident in September. It’s news that, writes TMZ, “gives him a huge advantage in his custody war with Angelina Jolie.”
The case was “extremely investigated,” whatever that means, and TMZ goes on to write:
Law enforcement sources tell us … DCFS concluded Wednesday it would close the investigation involving an incident in Sept. between Brad and Maddox on a private jet. The Dept. reached the decision … Brad did NOT commit child abuse during an argument that ended with physical contact.
A statement from Jolie’s rep reads:
“Angelina said from the beginning that she felt she had to take action for the health of the family and is relieved that after their 8-week involvement, the DCFS is now satisfied the safeguards are put in place that will allow the children to heal.”
Now that that’s taken care of, I’m sure they’ll be divorced in, oh, 18-36 months. Or at least by the time Donald Trump is out of office.
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