Our country is facing a crisis: every day, scores of young women are acting way sluttier than they should And, quite frankly, all of the sex they’re having is icky and unhygienic and unfeminist, and must make them feel bad about themselves. Ergo, it is a feminist act to dry hump, and dry hump only. For as Gloria Steinem once said, “Go forth, young women, and dry hump.”
So goes the logic of a Huffington Post piece whose satirical temperature I can’t quite read. What I can read is that author Toni Nagy thinks that dry humping is a feminist act, and that going through a slutty phase is just fine, just as long as you follow it up with a period of fast and penitence and pretending that you were never acting like a slutty slut. She writes,
Most likely any self-possessed woman is going to spend at least one period of her life on a whore tour and still have the t-shirt to match. Discovering different sides of your sexual self is often achieved through multiple partners, and I think sampling the variety is part of the human experience. But after you have indulged your inner whore, there comes a time to embrace your inner prude as well.
When does that time come? No one ever says! I guess you have to stop whoring around before all of the petals fall off of your pummeled vagina, like the glass-encased rose in Disney’s Beauty & the Beast.
After some invisible yardstick has determined that you are to have none more sex, if you want to live The Right Way, you should then proceed to pretend like you don’t know your way around someone else’s genitals. Pretend that sex scandalizes you. Be Kim Kardashian, basically. Why? For your own self-respect, and so you don’t feel icky. And because of science.
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