Yes or No: Judging New Music in Three Sentences or Less

By Clover Hope  |  October 8, 2014 | 7:50pm

Biweekly, a pre-approved, snap-judged music guide based on our very scientific, non-subjective Yes/No rating system. There’s really no debating this, come on, stop.

Y: Tinashe’s Aquarius album [iTunes]

T-shirt reads: I survived the summer without complaining about hearing “2 On,” a very sexy-chill song about excessive partying. Tinashe’s full-length debut has a similar calming presence and sophisticated allure. It’s worth a spin on Spotify. RATING: WASOS (Worth a Spin on Spotify)

Y: Elle Varner’s “Fuck It All” video [Vevo]

In this song from her upcoming second album, 4 Letter Word, Elle Varner sings for the emotionally irked women who plot revenge fantasies, minus the violent follow-through. Instead of physical eruptions, this video plays off impulse. Elle spies a suspicious “I love you too” text from her boyfriend and later restrains from pushing him off a cliff. The video cuts off just as she’s about to sneak-attack him from behind with a shovel, so the final act of violence is implied but never witnessed. Feel free to incorporate into your next thesis paper.


Y: Kylie Minogue’s cover of Kim Carnes’ “Bette Davis Eyes.” Ideal if you can find a tutu or something and spin around a room to it. [Idolator]

Y: tUnE-yArDs’ colorfully bonkers video for “Real Thing” prominently features mannequin limbs. Director Tom Jobbins explains: “Hearing the song made me think of bright patterns and dancing hands! With these initial thoughts in my mind and the song on repeat I envisaged a madcap story about three plastic sisters and an all-singing, all-dancing.” [NPR]

N: Keyshia Cole’s “Believer” video looks like every other singer-on-a-yacht video and I am not having it. [Rap-Up]

N: Going to pass on Nick Jonas’ “Numb” ’cause it’s basically a Chris Brown/R&Bieber backup song, though the “numb” part slightly reminds me of N’Sync’s “Gone”? Eh… [E! Online]

Y: Haim and Stevie Nicks’ pleasantly ghastly cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Rhiannon.” [The New York Times]


N: Danity Kane’s “Tell Me” contains these lyrics: “You want me half naked in stilettos/Hanging from the shower rod in the bathroom/I shouldn’t have to do that just to have you.” Moans and minimal snaps are in proper working order, but without the band together, what’s really the point of listening to this or even going on with the world as it is. [Idolator]

Y: TV On The Radio’s Seeds track, “Careful You,” a heartbreak obit full of woozy synths. “I know it’s best to say goodbye, but I can’t seem to move away.” Be right back… feelings… [Stereogum]

Y: With “Goodnight Kisses,” Charlie Wilson executes another cheerful whistle medley you have to hurry up and text your mom about now. [This Is R&B]

Image via RCA

 
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