Guys. GUYS. Who would you say is currently the number-one name in romance? Acceptable answers to that question include: Literally anyone but Robin Thicke. And so why, in the name of St. Valentine, is 1-800-FLOWERS.com currently holding a big promotion with the world’s saddest-sack dirtbag?
Word of this glorious fail comes via UpRoxx. They’re currently running a special where, if you purchase either the Forever Love or Get Her Back bouquet, you receive a free digital download of Paula, Thicke’s tear-stained public plea for forgiveness. Just use the promo code THICKE at checkout!
Surely this must be the work of some cheeky intern with a beautifully shriveled heart. Here is the description for the “Get Her Back” arrangement, which will set your weepy ass back $349.99:
Looking for a guaranteed way to get her back? Send our lush and luxurious bouquet of 100 romantic premium long-stem red roses! Inspired by Robin Thicke’s hit single, this spectacular rose arrangement is artistically hand-designed by our expert florists to help you express your feelings perfectly. We’re sure she’ll get the message.
Emphasis mine; shade theirs. And here’s the description for the “Forever Love” bouquet:
Whether you’re looking to get the attention of a certain someone or letting her know she’s always in your heart, you can’t go wrong with a fresh bouquet of premium long-stem red roses. Inspired by the music of Robin Thicke, they’re hand-designed by our expert florists and arranged in a ruby red vase to help you express your feelings in the most romantic way possible.
As opposed to a completely humiliating album that literally no one wants to purchase.
Despite the enthusiastic billing, they’re nothing special:
If neither suits your attempt to win back a spouse who is gone, baby, gone, perhaps you would be interested in one of the other items on the Thicke-themed landing page. They’ve got a four-foot-tall teddy bear and a personalized message in a bottle (not clear whether they’ll let you enclose dick pics).
PEOPLE OF EARTH: Under no circumstances purchase any of this.