Bad Teen President Is Sneaking Around on His Cell Phone Again 

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Trump is using his personal cell phone more, sources tell CNN, because this wild teen has got to be free. Using his own cell phone, though quite stupid from a security standpoint, allows him to circumvent Chief of Staff John Kelly and talk to whatever idiots he feels like talking to without oversight. Worth it! [CNN]
• French President Emmanuel Macron is in town for a state visit and, presumably, several uncomfortably prolonged handshakes. [CBS]
• In a break with tradition, no Democrats were invited to the state dinner. [Washington Post]
• “Current and former officials told me that filling out a card is the best way to raise an issue with him in writing. Everything that needs to be conveyed to the President must be boiled down, the former staffer said, to ‘two or three points, with the syntactical complexity of ‘See Jane run.’’” [The New Yorker]
• In a hearty flip flop, having received adequate media attention, Rand Paul has decided that he will, in fact, back Mike Pompeo, ensuring that Pompeo will be confirmed as our next Secretary of State. Love u Rand! [Politico]
• Great news: there’s another Pence! [New York Times]
• Cuomo’s parole move is a little more complicated than it’s been made out to be. [Injustice Today]
• Scott Pruitt has declared wood burning to be carbon neutral, paying little mind to the fact that wood burning is not carbon neutral. [The Hill]

Here are some tweets the President was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.