Donald Trump Will Give His Son the Greatest Gift of All: Skipping His Wedding

Well, it certainly didn’t take Donald Trump long to go from “I’m going to try and make it” to “I’m not going to that shit” on the subject of his son’s wedding, which does rather beg the question of why the President of the United States ever bothers to say anything when he’ll inevitably just say the opposite less than 24 hours later. Not that we’d think Donald Trump Jr., who will be getting hitched to socialite Bettina Anderson in the Bahamas this Memorial Day weekend, is likely to mind–if anything, he and Melania (assuming she will bother attending) are probably intensely grateful for the lack of Donald Trump Sr., and the ever-lingering threat of the POTUS either saying something insane that derails the entire weekend, or making his way in the direction of the dance floor. After all, Melania apparently hates his dancing just as much as everyone else does.

“He’d like me to go,” said Trump less than 24 hours ago to reporters at the White House, sitting behind the Resolute Desk. “But it’s going to be just a small little private affair, and I’m going to try and make it.” At the same time, Trump acknowledged that he felt it was a situations where he would be screwed whether or not he went, and the President seems extra sensitive to public optics at this particular moment, with his approval rating in the toilet and continuing in freefall. “That’s one I can’t win on,” he said. “If I do attend, I get killed. If I don’t attend, I get killed–by the fake news, of course, I’m talking about.”

Or you could, I don’t know, just say something along the lines of “It’s my child and I’d like to be present for a major moment in their life,” but Trump, given that he was born without any form of human feeling or emotion, naturally misses that a normal person’s appeal to sentimentality would probably be the best way to go here. Instead, he was left to insist that “this is not good timing for me,” because “I have a thing called Iran and other things.” Oh we know, Donald. We’ve noticed the $25 billion missing from the nation’s coffers, which could have, among other things, potentially stopped the newest deadly ebola epidemic. Trust us, we know that the “thing called Iran” still exists–in fact, House Republicans just had to cancel a vote on it because they no longer have enough support to stop Congress from demanding that Trump simply end the war.

On Friday, meanwhile, Trump made his lack of wedding attendance official, saying that “circumstances pertaining to Government, and my love for the United States of America,” would not allow him to do so.

Donald Trump Jr., like his famously philandering POTUS father, a man who proudly bragged in public and in his own “autobiographies” about cheating on his past wives, has been lucky in love, and then not so lucky in divorce court, in several previous instances. Trump Jr. was originally married to Vanessa Haydon from 2005 until the finalizing of their divorce in 2018, and had five children with her. He was then engaged to current U.S. Ambassador to Greece Kimberly Guilfoyle between 2020 and 2024, before that relationship also fell apart. Incoming 39-year-old wife Bettina Anderson, on the other hand, has seemingly prized her single status over the years, and has never been married before. We wish her all the matrimonial bliss that a prime position within the Trump Crime Syndicate will no doubt provide.

There is, of course, another seemingly obvious option that would have allowed the elder Trump to attend: A White House wedding, something that has long happened at the building since the early 1800s. Many Presidents and their extended families have hosted wedding ceremonies there, including Joe Biden hosting his granddaughter Naomi Biden’s wedding in 2022, or George W. Bush having his daughter Jenna’s wedding there in 2008. Perhaps that’s just it, though: Trump wouldn’t want his family to get married only feet from the D.C. plebes. Not without a $1 billion ballroom to do it in, at least.

Donald Trump claims he can’t attend son Don Jr.’s wedding this weekend because of the war with Iran.

Funny, Donald found time for 14 golf days since the war started. #Priorities

And the average wedding ceremony takes less than an hour. Whereas an average 18-hole round of golf takes 4 to 4.5 hours.

[image or embed]

— Mrs. Betty Bowers (@mrsbettybowers.bsky.social) 3:20 PM · May 21, 2026

The President, meanwhile, will no doubt busy himself with serious business this long weekend instead … such as golfing, which he has reportedly done in seven of the weekends since the Iran War began, including *checks notes* both days last weekend. What a dad, ladies and gentlemen. What a dad.