Donald Trump Would Never Call Someone a Pussy, He Says, Just After Calling Ted Cruz a Pussy

Donald Trump, a cartoon representation of Irritable Bowel Syndrome in a pharmaceutical ad, finally went ahead and called Ted Cruz a pussy from the stage last night, after a supporter in the crowd did it first. “It’s like a retweet,” he explained to the celebratory helium balloon hosts of “Fox & Friends” on Tuesday morning. “I would never say a word like that.”

An enthusiastic lady in New Hampshire yelled that Cruz was a pussy for not enthusiastically promoting America’s favorite pastime, waterboarding. And so Trump made a show of winkingly chiding her language even as he repeated it:

You said a terrible thing. You know what she said? Shout it out, because I don’t want to say — okay, you’re not allowed to say, and I never expect to hear that from you again. She said he’s a pussy. That’s terrible! Terrible.

As we all ponder this, the least surprising thing that Donald Trump has ever done, he appeared on Fox & Friends to insist that he doesn’t go around using language like that, as Steve Doocy and Tucker Carlson chortled, because vaginas make them nervous:

He also called Madeleine Albright “disgusting” for intimating that women who don’t support Hillary Clinton will go to hell:

And promised that he’d solve New Hampshire’s devastating opiate addiction epidemic by building a wall with Mexico:

And then Chris Christie appeared and the two embraced, because New Hampshire in February is the stuff of nightmares:

Here’s the full clip:

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