2022 Emmys Red Carpet: a ‘Kick Me’ Sign, Women in Suits, and Cut-Outs Galore

There are way too many TV shows these days. I stand firm in my opinion that none need exist beyond the cutesy mystery-comedy Only Murders in the Building and anti-capitalist thriller Severance. But here we are, celebrating this saturated market with the Emmys—which would have happened on Sunday were it not for the apparent urgency of the start of the NFL season.

If there’s one thing that will get me through yet another awards show despite the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences’ reported “resistance” to supporting diversity, it’s the red carpet looks and the inevitable smattering of barbie-core, regency-core, and of the other “-core” trends. Will free the nipple-core have a moment, too? Will this year’s string of big-name hosts and presenters (Kenan Thompson, Selena Gomez, Angela Bassett, among others) address the fall of Roe v. Wade—or the Don’t Worry Darling tea? We’ll find out together.

As we await an all but guaranteed sweep by divorced dad fanfic Ted Lasso, join me in drooling over and mocking the fits of tonight’s red carpet stars. Taking a page from the cynical, eat-the-rich Emmys frontrunner The White Lotus, I am here to roast them all if need be.

For one of the hottest young stars in Hollywood, the gown is high-key serving up grandma-core.

Glittery, semi-sheer, and giving Greek goddess? Yes, please.

I’ve historically not been a fan of high-low dresses, but this sea of blood-red, ruffled mesh is a hell of a fashion statement and power-move.

Fitted pink disco ball gowns only from now on, please and thank you.

Between the rhinestones in hair, hot girl leg slit, and bedazzled lunchbox purse, it’s a look. Congrats to Sheryl on her big Emmy win (and vocal performance), too!

I love Juno in Ted Lasso, but this look is... not really it, ma’am. The bed-head isn’t my thing and the slouchiness just looks sloppy, not chic. But I’m absolutely here for the subtle accessorizing.

Is Scott attending the Emmys as his innie or his outtie?? Either way, I adore the ruffled shirt and statement bow-tie.

This is the one acceptable all-black suit on the yellow carpet tonight.

I love a good satin, champagne-pink ensemble, but there’s just a bit too much going on here, between the puffy off-the-shoulder sleeves and corseted top. I’m overwhelmed!

Another Ted Lasso man spotting! And speaking of men finally switching up their looks, I’m obsessed with this wrap-tie suit jacket. It makes a statement.

Maybe I’m biased as a Yellowjackets stan, but the seafoam color, the ruffles, the mesh... OK, Shauna, get it!

Jean Smart looks like an enticing vanilla ice cream cone in this, but I’m not a big fan of the dress in itself. There’s just too much going on.

Another man in an all-white suit? Pass.

As a big fan of suits, sequins, and Sandra Oh, this outfit is pretty much the culmination of all of my interests. Wow!!

She’s heeere! Imagine being a celeb on a red carpet when Zendaya arrives—I would simply accept my inadequacy and go home. As a fan of all things funeral-chic, I’m obsessed with this latest addition to the Euphoria star’s burgeoning fashion hall of fame.

Oh no, are celebs about to try to force high-low dresses down our throats again?

Abbott Elementary has arrived!! Huzzah!! As for this outfit, I’m all about glittery corsets and long satin trains—the one thing I’m not really vibing with is the mesh-over-the-elbow gloves. It’s just too much look.

I may not personally love this look, but I certainly respect it: It’s a swing. More men should squeeze into very tight colored jackets and wide-legged pants, and embrace the role of chic, ’70s game show hosts, IMO.

Remember what I said about cut-outs galore? Behold, the supreme cut-out dress of the evening.

Did Andrew Garfield and Nicholas Braun coordinate? Their all-white, dorky-cousin-vibe suits are virtually identical, right down to the awkward, unflattering black dress shoes.

Kerry Washington is a bonafide style icon, if for no other reason than every outfit Olivia Pope wore on Scandal. But this—a high-low look that’s been out of style for years now, inexplicably with tights??—is a miss for me.

We’ve got no shortage of all-black suits tonight, but I like this one, or maybe I just like Will Poulter? Big fan of statement lapel pins over here!

Black and pink are a daring color palette, which makes me want to like this look, but it’s clunky to the point of looking more like a comforter draped around Fanning’s body than a gown.

Sequins!! A daring cut-out!! A strappy halter!! Amy Poehler!! This gown has it all!!

Despite the fact that Daddario’s gown looks more like a giant fishing net than a gown, it...works. Frankly, it’s hard to miss in anything glittery and semi-sheer.

Barbie-core is back. I love the hot pink, I don’t love whatever this dress (??) is—a blazer? A wrap-tie dress?? Your guess is as good as mine.

A man wearing something that isn’t an all-black suit!

Simple, sequined, with a flattering silhouette? No notes. If this gown is what endless shilling for crypto will buy you, maybe it’s time for me to invest.

Looks like the cast of Squid Game has arrived! Black, green, blue, and coral aren’t typically colors I envision meshing well together, but the glitter, the slit, and the strappy sandals?? It really works all together. And if Jung could pull off a green tracksuit, she could pull off anything, really.

Succession’s favorite dorky cousin is here, and he’s dressed to play the part in a truly awkward-to-behold white suit that takes the whole disco trend an inch too far for my taste.

I could do without the belt, but the lime green, giant poofy skirt, and semi-halter neckline are all *chef’s kiss*.

He’s here (at the Emmys)! He’s there (at the Emmys)! He’s every-fucking-where! It’s Roy Kent himself. I’d ordinarily roast the life out of such a basic black suit, but it’s perfectly fitted and worn on the body of the world’s most perfect man, so...no comment from me.

Yes, he has a real name, and it’s “Phil Dunster,” but to me, he’s always Jamie Tartt. But whatever you choose to call him, he’s wearing the hell out of this suit. The distinct, burgundy patterned jacket is the perfect way to subtly declare that you are, in fact, not a waiter!

And now that Rebecca’s here, it’s a real Ted Lasso party!! I’m all for the millennial-pink and bedazzled-corset top, but the gown is a smidge too poofy—where does Waddingham end and where do the layers upon layers of mesh begin??

Whoever started the glittery, chainmail gown trend—thank you.

Does this gown give me war flashbacks to my 2015 prom?? Yes. Is it an absolute slay on Townsend?? Also yes.

Simple, elegant, and above all, red and sparkly, this look from Dopesick’s Dever might not win any “most interesting outfit of the night” awards, but it gets the job done!

Our first barbie-core spotting of the night! Hot pink isn’t my color, and Krug looks a little buried under all the fluffiness, but I can respect a daring mesh ensemble! As for Bressman’s fit...I mean, it’s a suit.

More barbie-core! And, finally, a long-overdue cape sighting.

It’s clearly all about bright colors and flattering cut-outs tonight, and I’m a fan!

And we’re off! I’m obsessed with this playful spin on the women’s suiting trend, with its cylindrical boob cones and bedazzled pinstripes. I could, however, do without the awkward, protruding hip design.

For all my fellow Severance fans, Helly’s here! I love this look—it strikes the perfect balance between chainmail-clad-warrior-princess and just plain princess. And she somehow pulls off extremely short bangs? Incredible. Giving Kendall Jenner a run for her money!

Utterly obsessed with this gown, which walks the line between elegant, ethereal swan and yassified barbed wire.

It’s all about forest green and cutouts right now, so this is a serve on both fronts!

As a big naked dress fan, I love the red floral-print touch of this one—it’s a certified look.

Look, if he were really committed to tan formalwear, he’d take a page from Barack Obama and just lean all the way in.

More of this, please: the wine red, the poofy sleeves, the diva pose! The skirt looks like it could perhaps benefit from some ironing, but all in all, it’s a resounding yes from me.

I am a big royal blue aficionado, but the combo of chiffon and beaded halter is giving 2013 Group USA prom dress.

I appreciate the bedazzled lapel and twist on the traditional tie from the Today presenter! And I’m pretty sure his shoes are so well-polished that fellow attendees could use them in place of a compact to touch up their lipstick.

Another all-black male suit, this time from British presenter Tim Kash—sans the bedazzling (boo!), but with the personalized touch of a walking boot?? Get well soon, sir!

From the great mind that brought us Yellowjackets, I expected no less than a serve, and this clean-cut, turtneck-meets-halter-top in royal blue delivers just that.

Not a huge fan of the double watch (only because I never want to know what time it is, let alone know what time it is twice) on the comedian-slash-Abbott Elementary (yay!) writer, but I am a fan of the deep-green velvet suit jacket! You just can’t go wrong with a velvet suit.

The fit itself is giving butler, but I’m absolutely obsessed with the chunky block-heel boots, and the hair is convincing me to make the plunge and go hot-pink myself.

Well this is certainly...a look. Am I a big fan of large bows, bell sleeves, chunky loafers, and the odd floral suit dress? Yes. Would I wear them all together on a red carpet? Probably not!

Oh, well, would you look at that—there’s layers to it! Encouraging physical violence at award shows is risky business these days...

I’m a strong believer that couples should color-coordinate, but honestly, these are both incredible outfits. I’m suddenly inspired to go thrifting and find my own pair of giant floral print sandals!