Feral Alaska Woman Sarah Palin Might Not Be Able to Read

By Madeleine Davies | December 24, 2013 | 9:20pm

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Sarah Palin — the lush-haired simpleton who wandered out of the Alaska territory all those years ago and hasn’t stopped rambling away in her chripy, feral Nell language since — is doing a lot of talking lately, this time bravely speaking up for Phil Robertson, the Duck Dynasty star who was fired from his own show after going on a vile homophobic rant.

Palin is a staunch supporter of free speech — just so long as no one is speaking freely against her — and believes it’s wrong for Robertson to be fired for simply regurgitating some incredibly ignorant words from the Good Book to a widely distributed magazine.

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To recap, here’s what Robertson told GQ:

“It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

“For as quoted the Lord, ‘a vagina shall be more desirable than a man’s anus for there is more there, for there is more to offer. Come on, dudes. You know what I am saying.” (Leviticus 3:15)

Palin has been voicing her support of Robertson’s loud obsession with what other dudes do with their buttholes to pretty much anyone who will listen, her latest victim being the wise bog witch of Fox News, Ms. Greta Van Susteren. But when Van Susteren asked (in a dark and husky whisper, full of wisdom and magicks olde) what Palin actually thought of Robertson’s comments against gay people (which go beyond what the “Duck Dynasty patriarch” told GQ), Palin proudly admitted that she hadn’t even read the initial article that sparked the controversy.

“I haven’t read the article,” Palin replied. “I don’t know exactly how he said it.”

See? She doesn’t even need to know what a person says because she supports free speech NO MATTER WHAT. Oooooooor she never learned to read and is too embarrassed to admit it?

Don’t blame yourself, Sarah! You were raised in an isolated cabin by your mother who never taught you to talk, let alone read. It’s not your fault! T’ee an me an t’ee an me! Chicka, chicka, chickabee!