Feel free to keep sipping your tea, Earl Grey, hot, but be advised that those in the know will soon be switching to a fine blend made using panda crap. Apparently a “wildlife expert in China is attempting to launch the world’s most expensive tea, using panda poo to fertilize the brew.” You see, pandas only digest 30% of their food, making their shit both nutrient-rich and magical. Surely $80,000 per kilogram isn’t too much to ask for a tea that adorably cures cancer, particularly when you can also enjoy “a mature, nutty taste and a very distinctive aroma while it’s brewing.”