Girl Gets Wisdom Teeth Pulled, Wants to Blow Ryan Gosling Immediately

If you’ve ever enjoyed having your wisdom teeth being pulled, you will probably remember the nice feeling you g0t when they put the drugs in you and have no recollection of the dentist climbing onto your lap in order to break your molars apart with some kind of rock hammer. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing the latter because “Twilight” costs too much, but this young woman was pumped full of the good stuff and she woke up with an amazing monologue that would probably get her into Julliard if she sent it in as an audition tape. (Does Julliard accept audition tapes? Does anyone else just imagine it being like one of those boarding schools out of a V.C. Andrews novel where computers don’t exist even though it’s 1992?)

While the entire video is excellent (I agree that her doctor is hot and would do A++) the best moments are truly when she’s demanding Ryan Gosling’s dick as if she is Salome calling for the head of John the Baptist (Or like that really creepy scene in The Night Porter) (Don’t click). The only difference is that instead of bringing Ryan Gosling’s head to her bedside (for head) her mother tries to fan the request away and tells her to stop it. Which is wrong.

For anyone claiming that anesthesia can’t do this to someone, I offer my own experience: I had minor eye surgery (correction of Paris Hilton Eye) and woke up somehow believing that I was the Queen of England. When the nurses brought me ginger ale I clapped my hands and said that I would like to see my surgery team and thank them all personally. I also started looking for pockets so I could leave them with some manner of coin as a token of our time together. I also agreed to go to The Macaroni Grill right after and don’t know which I’m more embarrassed about.