Holy Shit, Miley Cyrus Could Become TIME's 'Person Of the Year'

By Night Editor | November 28, 2013 | 4:32pm

Celebrities Dirt Bag

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all! Guess what? Everyone’s favorite feminist and kitteh meme appropriator is currently leading the reader’s poll in TIME magazine’s prestigious* ‘Person of the Year’ Award. Via Entertainment Weekly:

After a week of polling, Miley is currently the far-and-away favorite, with 29 percent of the vote (Time‘s actual Person of the Year is decided by the magazine’s editors, and everybody knows Time editors are Ke$ha fans).

HAHAHAHA Miley is all ‘suck it John Boehner with your lousy .3 % lol lol lol; don’t be jelly!’ Relax tho; the editors of TIME magazine are the ones who actually make the final decision about who gets the coveted title, not the readers. Although, with the current state of media, the editors of TIME magazine are probably a group of unemployed hamsters willing to work on spec.

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*(hahaha, j/k, one time they actually picked you)

OK, now let’s take a look at what all the famous people are doing for Thanksgiving, shall we? Big Sean handed out 650 turkeys in Detroit because he is wonderful, Kristin Cavallari is doing it up traditional family style, Blake Shelton is probably celebrating or crying at the fact that more people would rather spend Thanksgiving with him than the Obamas, The Kardashians just want to spend Turkey Day with Lamar Odom, none of these stars will be having turkey today, Melissa and Joe Gorga will NOT be spending the holiday with Teresa Giudice and Lady Gaga LITERALLY IS THANKSGIVING YOU GUISE.

Gwyneth Paltrow uses the ‘s’ word and all the little puppies of my soul die. [HuffPo]

Everyone freak the fuck out because THERE IS GOING TO BE A SEQUEL TO FIGHT CLUB AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Oh, it’s just a sequel to the book, say all your stupid friends who don’t read. [SlashFilm]

Kanye West ‘breaks his silence’ about President Barack Obama and says that he now believes the leader of the free world is just ‘trying to be cool.’ And then President Obama said ‘ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS I HAVE LIKE WARS AND SHIT TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW OMG’. [The Wrap]

Tom Hiddleston is preparing for a role in Shakespeare’s Coriolanus. Which means he’ll be running around dressed as William Shakespeare for the next three months to promote it, so WIN. [Broadway World]

There is so much awful stuff happening in the Charlie Sheen/Brooke Mueller custody battle. Damn. [Daily News]

If you are the kind of vacuous, empty-souled person who would gleefully spend $20,000 to tell your probably equally empty-souled friends that you own a car that Leonardo DiCaprio used to own, well today is your lucky day. [TMZ]

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are officially divorced. You know, I thought I would have a good joke for this, but I don’t. It’s just sad when people break up and get divorced. [NY Post]

Al Pacino had dinner with a beautiful lady. WHAT NO REALLY. [Daily Mail]

Quentin Tarantino’s next film will be about the saga of a sad little blogger who has to work the holiday shift and has to make due with cold turkey salad for Thanksgiving dinner. Oh, no. It’s a Western, actually. [EntertainmentTime]

Tony Musante, an amazing actor who had a legendary role on HBO’s Oz, has died at the age of 77. Raise a glass to him, everyone. [The Wrap]