I Hope One Day I Get the Honor of Being Murdered by Martha Stewart By Jia Tolentino | September 30, 2015 | 9:30pm In Depth × Copy Link Facebook X Reddit Email ! And I hope it goes a little something like this. I died. Wait—let me put some music on. Most Popular The Bezos-Sánchez Wedding Was a Real 21st-Century Fairy Tale (Derogatory) It Appears That Kris Jenner Won't Share a Water Taxi Khloé Kardashian Posts Plastic Surgery Haul Contact the author at [email protected]. More from JezebelHouse GOP Sells Out the Most Vulnerable Americans for Trump MerchMan Posts Carl Jung Quotes to Intellectualize His BreakupPixar Continues to Shoot Itself in the Foot Join the discussion... GET JEZEBEL RIGHT IN YOUR INBOX Still here. Still without airbrushing. Still with teeth. Sign Up Leave this field empty if you're human: