Justin Bieber Will Not Be Charged for Allegedly Kicking a Paparazzo in the Guts

By Lindy West  |  November 22, 2012 | 1:00am
CelebritiesDirt Bag

I wasn’t aware that Justin Bieber had allegedly gut-kicked a paparazzo, but apparently a paparazzo claims he got unjustly gut-kicked by Justin Bieber. Back in May, Bieber and then-childbride Selena Gomez were shopping in the scenic Conejo Valley when they were mobbed by some dickheads. Bieber believed said dickheads were blocking their exit, so he did something that was either gut-kicking the dickhead or NOT gut-kicking the dickhead. Basically the cops are like, “What?” so Bieber won’t be charged.

In a charge evaluation worksheet filed on Oct. 22, the L.A. County District Attorney’s Office detailed the many ways in which they were unable to corroborate that [gut-kicking] accusation.
When Fire Department personnel examined him, according to the worksheet, they found “no apparent injury and no signs of trauma or bruising” on either his face or his abdomen. While a doctor at the West Hills Hospital did report “possible minor swelling” on his cheek and “some redness” on his abdomen, deputies at the scene and the hospital reported seeing no injuries-including on the videotape of deputies’ interview with Hernandez-Duran.

Perhaps what this story tells us is that a kick from Justin Bieber is like a delicate meltaway kiss from a velveteen conejo. [E!]

Here’s E! engaging in a bunch of gleeful speculation about the “hush money” that Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash may have paid his first accuser—and what might happen if the accuser decides to un-hush himself:

You won’t be surprised to learn that these kinds of settlement generally call for the hush money to be returned if an accuser, well, stops hushing.
“It’s not like the agreement is going to let the other party keep the money if they talk anyway,” Grigsby points out.
Grigsby tells me there are often punitive clauses in these agreements, too: wording that requires the blabber to shell out additional cash along with the repayment if he violates the settlement.
…How much, you may ask?
“It wouldn’t surprise me,” Bryan Sullivan of the firm Early Sullivan posits, “to see anywhere from $100,000 to $1 million,” or even more.

Hear that? A million doughlarz! ENHUSHEN THYSELVES, HUSH-PUPPIES. (In case you’re wondering, there is no racist undertone to the term “hush-puppies,” even though it really seems like there should be. I know because I got paranoid and checked.) [E!]

Sean Penn is mad about McCarthyism:

Sean Penn has called on Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences officials to publicly acknowledge their “complicity” in the 1950s Joseph Mccarthy witch hunt, which prevented his father from working in Hollywood.
Penn has written a tribute article about his moviemaker dad Leo Penn as part of a expose about the outing of suspected Communists in Tinseltown in the new issue of The Hollywood Reporter.
The Oscar winner recalls his father’s refusal to work with the “rising neo-Nazi-inspired House Committee on Un-American Activities”, and how he shunned former friends and associates, like director Elia Kazan, for co-operating with MCCarthy’s men.

Boooooo, Tinseltown! Go Communists! San Dimas High School Football Rules! [ContactMusic]

  • Reese Witherspoon went outside with her baby and it got carried off by a dragon. Or…wait. No? It didn’t? She just went outside with it and nothing happened and that’s the whole news story? K. [E!]
  • Okay, I love Kathy Griffin, but I feel like she’s just constantly taking her pants off to show us that she isn’t fat or something. Like, we get it. I’m not totally sure what “it” is, but consider it gotten. [Radar]
  • I have zero interest in watching this video, but apparently “Nicki Minaj Talks About American Idol, Having Respect For Mariah Carey, And ‘Kidding’ About Performing Together,” if you’re into that sort of thing. [Bossip]
  • Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Honsou are breaking up. [Us]
  • Good news! Dirty Jobs is canceled so that Mike Rowe can spend more time having sex with you. [EW]
  • Chevy Chase is leaving Community, which is fine because he is gross and I do not even find that character amusing. [TVLine]
  • Mayim Bialik and her husband are getting divorced. “We will be ok,” she says. [ONTD]
  • Courtney Stodden won’t be eating turkey this Thanksgiving, because of her vagina or something. [Celebuzz]
  • Steven Tyler, the world’s least ambitious soothsayer, predicts that the score of tomorrow’s Patriots/Jets game will be 90-88. Cool story, bro, but TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE. [MTV]
  • Happy T-giving, guys. I’m off to make 75 pies. [PIE]

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