Let's Settle This Once and For All: Is Sex Sexy or Not?
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I’m just gonna blow my load up front and work back from there: Yes, sex is sexy. Good sex is sexy. Bad sex is not sexy. You would think that this immutable truth would be obvious but it is not obvious. Nothing illustrates this more than two things on social media right now that seem to miss this essential distinction.
Thing 1: “21 Unsexiest Things About Sex (Because It’s Not All Making ‘Love’ and Orgasms Is It?)”
It is if you’re lucky.
But if you’re not, you would probably compile a list of 21 totally regular things that happen during sex and label them unsexy as opposed to what they really are: Bad sex, inevitable bodily functions, and/or things that are not sexy on their own, but that don’t register as unsexy in the moment because YOU ARE TOO TURNED ON.
But noooooo, says Hannah Gale, these parts of sex are unsexy:
1. The smell. That smell. You know the one. The indescribable combination of semen, lady juice and sweat. Nice.
2. Removing socks. Hey, let me just try and hop around naked while I pull a sock printed with dinosaurs off my foot. Especially unsexy when your partner is trying to continue the foreplay by latching onto your nipple while you wrestle with your ankle.
3. Fanny farts.
4. Or even worse, those real farts that slip out when you least suspect it.
5. Getting sex cramp in your leg. Feeling like someone may have slipped a dagger into your thigh and not knowing the best way to respond.
6. Getting semen in your eye. Or in your hair. Or anywhere that isn’t your private parts. How long are you supposed to wait until you start the thorough clean-up process?
7. Also, swallowing semen and trying to pretend that it tastes like a peanut butter milkshake rather than, well, a slimy, salty bogey.
It goes on, but do you need it to? Because minus the farts (which, come on, are usually just funny anyway mid-coitus if they happen at all), she just listed all the good things about sex, which include how it smells and tastes, acting like an idiot to get your clothes off so fast because you want someone that much, not even noticing your underwear because you are too turned on to be inhibited. I super don’t get this list. As Paris Lees over at Vice called it in her own celebration of 21 of the sexiest things about sex: