After Sunday night’s BET Awards, my new dream feature film is Megan Thee Stallion starring in MAD MEGAN: FURY STALLION, brought to you by Hot Girl Productions. The actress, who’s starred in other Oscar-worthy, short-form classics like “Savage,” “Big Ole Freak,” and “Simon Says,” plays herself, Megan, an embattled roadster who, along with her dirt bike crew of fellow hot girls, roams a post-apocalyptic wasteland in search of retribution against Evil Overlords Chris Brown and Drake, who somehow won “Best Collaboration” over her “Hot Girl Summer” anthem. Now? It’s time for vengeance.
Meg’s brilliant, virtual BET Awards performance was a jaw-dropping medley of mega-hits “Girls in the Hood” and “Savage.” Clad in O-rings and feathers and thigh-high combat boots, she dipped and twerked and spun and stomped her way through various post-industrial set pieces, like burned and rusted out cars, or a construction rig her backup dancers used to drop into splits during Beyoncé’s savage medley. I don’t even have any particularly interesting things to say about it besides that it was, perhaps, the most sickening live performance I’ve ever seen at an awards show of late. Can we always do these things virtually?
Elsewhere, Beyoncé’s other proteges, Chloe x Halle, also bodied a dual performance of their “Forgive Me” and my personal Song of the Summer, “Do It.” While their Global Goal: Unite for Our Future performance the day before was “technically” better, who else is churning out such consistent visuals? I’ll tell you—not a single person!
Speaking of Beyoncé, she urged people to “vote like their life depends on it” while accepting her Humanitarian of the Year award later in the night. Thanks for the reminder, Bey!
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