It’s only day three of Jezebel’s March Madness: Drugs vs. Alcohol and some of the races are already tight tight tight! Yesterday, Gin knocked Rum out of the running by a slim 131 votes! In this case, I’m sad to say that “close” earns you a big fat nothing. Sorry, Rum. We’ll catch up with you in mojito season.
The other competitions were far less neck and neck. Red Wine (full-bodied and pungent) tested and spat out its delicate counterpart White Wine, Sangria swallowed Frat Party Keg whole and, despite the better efforts of the Green Fairy, Jack Daniels easily took down Absinthe like a favorite whiskey (which, unfortunately, it’s not).
In the Drug conference, Quaaludes sleepily conquered over Ketamine, Bathsalts took a bite out of the face of Krokodil, Immodium pooped its way ahead of Ex-Laz and Vicodin (also a surprise!) stomped out Nicotine like a cigarette butt.
Here’s your updated bracket:
And now onto today’s competitions!
Over in Illegal Drugs, we start with Mushrooms (4) vs. Opium (13). Mushrooms, of course, are the psychedelic fungi that can make you trip balls in some very pleasant ways just so long as you avoid mirrors and negative thinking. If you’re me, they might make you feel like you’ve been camping in Central Park for weeks when in fact you’ve only been there for a couple hours. (Helpful tip: Don’t take mushrooms in Central Park!)
Opium, the drug of choice for Dorothy Gale and friends, is derived from the poppy flower and can be converted into heroin. It’s also the base ingredient in morphine, codeine, hydrocodone and oxycodone. In other words (as anyone who has seen Trainspotting or visited a 19th century opium den can tell you), it’s highly addictive, can really fuck you up and often proves lethal.
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