Here’s a crap story about the FLOTUS, who made an visit to a newly-opened Shake Shack in Washington, D.C. The obvious implication here is that because Michelle Obama is a champion of child nutrition, involves herself in a national effort to get people moving (not to mention fit enough to do the Dougie), and helped to rid the country of our dated food pyramid, she’s not allowed to indulge. The offending order went as follows: a burger (490 calories), chocolate shake (790 calories), and french fries (470 calories) — wait, what? I’m sorry, I just fell out of my drool-soaked chair.