Have you ever wanted to meet a man who will someday probably try to light his ex wife’s car on fire? Have you ever wondered where all the nice guys went, the ones who pretend to be your friend until you break up with your boyfriend and then get mad when you won’t suck their dick as payment for their acting like a decent human being? How about the type of guy who would put up a billboard in an attempt to shame you for an abortion that you may not have had? Have you ever thought, you know what would be novel, new, and refreshing, humor-wise? A meme that tries to mask obvious misogyny in a non-clever mask, with a picture of Heidi Klum (who is not American) digitally altered to be fat (which is totally American!).
Because it’s not like advertising and pop culture are constantly telling us this stuff anyway, the “Typical American Woman” meme attempts to correct our errant behavior by reminding us how flabby, dumb, and worthless we are. Lest we forget.
God, you stupid sluts. Why don’t you sleep with nice guys? Also, you’re fat. And ugly. But why won’t you sleep with me? I didn’t want you anyway, you ugly whore! Who is also a prude!
I can’t really get my hackles raised about this; at the end of the day, there are always going to be angry jerks who project their own self-loathing onto others in an attempt to justify their pointless existences (Wait, you got a high score in Halo? Never mind. Your existence isn’t pointless. My bad, bro!), but this is just obnoxious. If this were a movie that took place in the 1980’s, this meme would be Molly Ringwald’s pervy little brother from Sixteen Candles hiding out in closets to watch female relatives undress and belching and farting loudly during weddings. It is trifling.
Good news, though, gang. Because this is a meme at a site that allows you to caption the altered image of Heidi Klum yourself, you can feel free to add your own captions to the “Typical American Woman” meme. I made one! Now you go make yours!