Noah Kahan Has a Beautiful Message for His Fans

After a video was shared of an…accident…that transpired at a Noah Kahan concert, the singer felt the need to impart some words of wisdom to his dedicated fans: Please stop shitting yourself at his shows. Please.

The video, which I won’t force you to watch but is here in case you want to, was shared online by an attendee at Kahan’s Philadelphia concert last week, who sat next to the alleged shitter before calling security over. After the concert, word got to Kahan, who then urged his fans via tweet to cut that shit out.

“If you have to poop at a show please dear god just go to the bathroom,” he wrote. “I’ve pooped my pants as much as the next 29 year old but you guys gotta understand there’s a venue worker out there with a 1000 yard stare after dealing with that.”

He added, “I shit myself onstage in Charlottesville but that’s because I am dedicated to my craft.” I would have approached the issue with much less empathy and understanding, that’s for sure. Piecing together the purported series of events from TikTok commenters and Reddit threads only made me more disappointed in humanity. Some claimed it was a premeditated act, NOT an emergency situation. Others echoed that the women’s restroom lines were up to an hour long. But what the hell are we doing here, folks? There is absolutely no excuse for shitting yourself at a Noah Kahan concert. Maybe if you have IBS, but also if you do have IBS, don’t eat stadium food, know thy body and whatnot.

What’s even more disturbing is that this unwillingness to miss a single second of the concert might be a broader trend. Earlier this month, Olivia Rodrigo spoke to Kiss FM about a similar issue she encountered at her show: audiences showing up in diapers. 

“I have been to certain concerts and certain festivals where people wear diapers so that they can be front row of the show,” Rodrigo recalled. “And that’s been an experience as a performer that I have smelled.” Please don’t make Olivia Rodrigo smell your defecation; she is already singing about wanting to die, don’t make it worse! If these fans were truly dedicated, maybe they wouldn’t subject their fav to that—just a thought.

“Like the [Times Square] Ball Drop on New Year’s Eve, everyone is wearing diapers, they sit there all day. I think about it kind of often,” she added. Imagine making NYC smell even shittier. Don’t be that person. 

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