Nobody Wants a Baby Donald

Last week, A NOTUS report reviewing Social Security Administration data from 2025 found that the baby name “Donald” reached its lowest popularity level in U.S. history. The parents have spoken, and they definitely do not want a baby Donald sucking their teat, not when the other Donald is already sucking our souls dry every news cycle.

The agency received fewer than 400 Social Security applications for the name Donald in 2025, dropping it to a new low—690th—on the leaderboard for baby boy names. (#1 was Liam, in case you were wondering). Even in Trump’s home state of Florida, only 21 Donalds were born last year, the same number as babies named Stone, which is just a made-up name. If I were a betting woman, I would wager that the trend might have something to do with our very large, colicky baby stinking up his diaper in the Oval Office, a baby who is trying his best to plaster his name over everything in the final years of his life, as a supreme leader might. But unfortunately for him, no one is really trying to name their baby after him. 

The Adolph effect is happening https://t.co/PdTkFG94Pv

— ShitlibSupreme 🇺🇦 🇹🇼 (@ShitlibSupreme) June 28, 2026

Maybe we need some better Donalds out here doing spin. Where is Donald Glover with the positive PR, or Donald Duck? We can’t just let Trump ruin the name for everyone else. The amount of Donalds in the U.S. has been steadily declining since its peak in the 30s—In 2004, it held spot #263, and in 2016, fell to #489—But with this new 2025 low, meeting a gen-Beta Donald will be about as likely as running into a gen-Beta Khaleesi, who holds the 690th spot on the baby girl’s leaderboard. It just goes to show that naming your kids after a former TV star has really fallen out of favor. 

Who’s to say whether this name is going out of fashion because popular names from a century ago often do, or because reciting nursery rhymes to a baby Donald after the past 10 years of Trump leaves a bitter taste in one’s mouth. If it quells any of Trump’s jealousy, the name Melania wasn’t inspiring any expecting parents either. (It didn’t even break the top 1,000).

In 15 years, when a teenage Donald is writing his AP US History DBQ about the Donald Trump years, he might stop to ponder why no one else in his class is named that. That is, if we still have a republic ruled by the law of the College Board.

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