NYC's Subway Cricket Meltdown Was a Hoax, God Damn It
LatestIt takes a lot to rattle a New Yorker on the subway. There’s strange behavior, yes, but to truly shake our foundations, it’s going to take something bigger than a shoeless lady tossing back a Beck’s. It’s going to take a car full of crabs, or a dangling condom. This week’s Cricketpocalypse, though, was a horror factory for the ages, the type of thing you tell your kids while defending your decision to raise them in New Rochelle. It transported us back to a time when the city was a playground for possibility, when the grotesque and alarming lurked behind every sliding door. But we should have been more skeptical, because like every interesting thing, it was a damn hoax.
The untrustworthy New York Post reported Wednesday that a woman riding the D train dropped an entire forest’s worth of live crickets and worms after she was bumped by some Shitty Teens. The story was a tabloid’s wet dream: Bugs! Irate ranting! Teens! Violence and hysteria! Did I mention the woman urinated on herself? Gold.