If your new year’s resolution was to come up with the world’s creepiest phrase in 2015, I have some bad news for you. The man in the following emails has come up with it already and (spoiler alert) it’s “begins the process of seduction.” And that’s just something he wrote to a classmate. Imagine what he’d say if he really liked you…
This chain of emails found on Reddit, allegedly coming from a woman’s class partner in an online management class, starts out bad—”I work out all the time and spend too much time on Tinder”—and immediately goes to worse—”And mama’d be surprised I didn’t bring home a total slut and be happy that I’m growing up”—in a matter of sentences. It goes south so quickly, actually, that it makes it hard to believe that there is someone out there so completely and utterly lacking in self-awareness. But of course there are lots of people like this in the world. Dude, I think we’ve just figured out why you “spend too much time on Tinder.”
Oh, also important: He’s 100 percent German. 100 percent. Did you know, by the way, that “mama” is German for “mom?” (lol)
Here’s the first email, in which the gentleman tries to introduce himself in the most creepy way possible:
Note how quickly the woman tries to shut him down. It’s all “thanks so much for this email that is completely inappropriate, here is a response that tells you nothing about me because I do not want to be worn as a skin suit at mama’s house.” But he doesn’t take the hint! Instead he stalks her Google Plus and then tries to subtly neg her in the worst way possible.