As far as stupefying instagram trends go, Russian Women With Many Flowers (read in my mother’s accent please) is not particularly funny or offensive. It’s just really fucking awesome. And also really entertaining. And, according to The Cut, it’s been going on for over two years.
I have received flowers only several times in my life (once a beautiful Orchid which I promptly killed by accident because I am not capable of watering plants but am also looking into adoption) and I remember being fairly uncomfortable each time. Holding a bouquet makes me feel incredibly conspicuous (look at that guy with that bunch of flowers, he is totally going to rob a bank and push a child out of his way) and the last time I got one (at a graduation) I gave it away immediately and then rushed out of the room screaming “no take-backsies!” These Russian women have a very different opinion on flowers.
Often pictured in their homes, these flower Tsarinas are impeccably dressed and made-up and always look as if the glorious bounty of freshly-picked flowers (murdered, likely, just hours before) are completely and utterly deserved. Molly Young at The Cut wonders whether this trend is sexual in nature or whether the massive flower trend is popular because flowers equal love and therefore these women are showing the world that they suffer no shortage of affection. I’ve been staring at these photos for several hours now and I have two theories (scientific, I went out and field tested them in a Teleflora uniform) about why so many women are posing with so, so many flowers.
1. It makes them look tiny in comparison. For a long time my Facebook picture was of a giant guinea pig cutout that I looked positively tiny next to and these women are no exception. Next to a bouquet of 100 roses, anyone would like adorably waifish. I kind of want to go out and buy a giant bouquet right now just to have around the home and greet guests next to.
2. Russians are into fancy shit. The more ostentatious the better. Of course this is not all Russians and it is my own personal experience, but I come from a family where my father wore pinky rings and had a giant Star of David encrusted in gold (which I think he bought at Ross). Showing off these flowers isn’t as much a statement of love but a statement that whoever loves these women can afford this many flowers or, alternatively, that they can afford them themselves and are therefore to be admired for their wealth.
3. Flowers are beautiful, so posing next to a huge bouquet of them forces a comparison. Also, if someone just comments “beautiful,” as many people do, no one will know if they’re talking about you or the flowers. Or both. Instant mood boost!
Whatever the reason for this trend, I’m just hoping it never ends.