Surprise! It's Me! Your Ex! On Reality TV!

In April, American viewers will be treated to Ex on the Beach, a reality show described as “the ultimate relationshit show,” featuring D-list reality stars and their exes. According to Deadline, the show—which has already been airing on MTV International since 2014—will take stars from The Bachelorette, Big Brother, Bachelor in Paradise, Vanderpump Rules, Are You The One? and Bad Girls Club and plop them somewhere beautiful, in Hawaii, under the guise of appearing on a reality show about love, dating, and white sand beaches. The twist, of course, is that they will be “completely blindsided by their exes (in some cases multiple) face-to-face.”

Here’s the list of dating show veterans who will be appearing on this mess, which may be the greatest show we will ever experience collectively as a nation: Jasmine Goode of Bachelor in Paradise; Chase McNary of The Bachelorette; Paul Calafiore of Big Brother; Faith Stowers of Vanderpump Rules; Cory Wharton of The Challenge; Angela Babicz of Bad Girls Club; Taylor Selfridge of Are You The One?; Tor’i Brooks; Victoria Alario; Chris Pearson.

Strangely enough, the exes who will appear are mostly from Are You The One? an MTV dating show that I have never heard of or watched, but would probably enjoy in great measure. This entire debacle will be hosted by Romeo, the artist formerly known as Lil’ Romeo, son of Master P., and the musician responsible for getting Solange to guest on this charming throwback joint.

Imagine the seedy pleasures of Bachelor in Paradise with an element of surprise manufactured to cause the most drama in the most entertaining way. Perhaps the exes will parasail onto the beach while the cast members are drinking beverages and listlessly shouting. Or maybe they’ll appear on the horizon, lashed to the back of a banana boat that’s attached to a Jetski, driven by Romeo.