The Best Quotes From Patti LuPone’s Gay Cruise Statement to Cross-Stitch on a Throw Pillow

SOS. While everyone was busy celebrating America, Taylor Swift, and everything in between this weekend, Broadway legend Patti LuPone was having a high-seas emergency, if you even care. 

This month, LuPone was set to perform in residence aboard Virgin Voyages’ Scarlet Lady. However, the ship was denied port in the Turkish town of Kuşadası on Friday, simply due to its status as a gay cruise. The charter is described as “an epic all-gay voyage from Athens to Venice to the Mediterranean’s most iconic destinations” per Atlantis’s Instagram. “We’ll dazzle 2,500 guys with stellar entertainment, the world’s best parties, and awesome experiences aboard Virgin’s Scarlet Lady.” Plus, one Patti LuPone! What could possibly dampen this joyous expedition? Oh right, homophobia. 

Turkey’s refusal to receive the ship marks the first time in 36 years that the company was “actively told we may not berth here because of who we are,” Rich Campbell, the CEO of Atlantis Events, told CNN. “It’s pretty stunning, to be honest. I mean, and the reasoning behind it is that it’s a gay group. It’s very concerning to me when a country decides they can pick and choose which tourists are allowed in and which are not.”

This news would be understandably upsetting for anyone on board, but it was especially infuriating for LuPone, who announced it in the way any tenured diva might: via an impassioned free-verse poem, screenshotted, then shared on her Instagram:

While I agree that it’s terrible that a gay cruise and Patti LuPone are experiencing homophobia on their joyous travels, I am also mesmerized by Patti’s command of the English language. The emotion. The music. The je ne sais quoi.

I want to cross-stitch, embroider, and appliqué every word of this Instagram post onto a pillow, tote bag, or T-shirt, and display it in my home for the rest of my mortal days, in no particular order…

“The Atlantis cruise I am performing on next week has been banned from entering Turkey”

Works in so many different situations, when you think about it.

“I am furious, but I am sailing”

Like c’est la vie, but less cliché. If LuPone can be furious but still sail, you, too, can endure the hardships life throws at you and summon the strength to keep going. It’s…beautiful. 

“I am shocked.”

Again, works in every situation.

“I am ready to perform for all the wonderful men on this Atlantis Cruise.”

The perfect housewarming gift!

“A ship—a magnificent ship—full of gay men. And me”

No notes.

Turkey, you just made an enemy of Patti LuPone and 2,500 gays, AND inspired a new frenzy of home crafting. So, watch TF out.