If you’re reading this before you’ve had your morning cup of whatever liquid gets you through the day—coffee, tea, green protein smoothies, male tears, the blood of your enemies—then I urge you to stop now and drink two cups before progressing any further. Sadly, before imbibing my coffee, I read Allure’s interview with Pharrell Williams promoting his upcoming skincare line, Humanrace, and my brain is irreparably broken for the remainder of the day after trying to understand Pharrell’s approach to his latest skin care endeavor. I simply can’t go on.
Williams’ initial launch will include a “humidifying moisturizer” along with a cleanser and exfoliant but it’s the moisturizer that really matters most to the man with the best skin in the music industry.
“Water is very inspiring to me,” Williams says after mentioning that he is a Cancer rising which explains a lot. “I’ve always been obsessed with the idea that water falls [from] the sky as evaporation.” Yes, water. It is all around us. It is inside of us. We are one with the water. Or are we the water?
Just when I thought I could not go on any further into the watery mind of Pharell Williams or his new quest to “democratize” wellness, a lifeline found me drifting in the darkness: Pharrell is “currently helping engineer the groove for Rihanna’s thirstily awaited ninth album.”
Finally, it all makes sense. We have thirsted, parched for Rihanna’s musical blessings and Pharrell is not simply bringing the water, he IS the water. He isn’t just going to quench our skin thirst but the thirst in our very souls that has been waiting, nay, praying for the life-giver Rihanna to heal us once more.
Pharrell, the bringer of rain. The bringer of R-9.