Trump Signs an Executive Order, Discusses Gov. Paul LePage's Weight 

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• While signing an executive order to review national monuments created by the last three presidents, Donald Trump took a moment to point out that Maine Gov. Paul LePage recently lost a lot of weight. To Trump, a joke is not so much an opportunity to lighten the mood as it is an opportunity to remind his allies that he can humiliate them at any moment. “Governor LePage of Maine, who, by the way, has lost a lot of weight,” the President of the United States said. “I knew him when he was heavy and now I know him when he was thin and I like him both ways, okay?” [Politico]
• Tired of constant failure, Trump has released his tax plan, opting for big cuts that would likely benefit himself and other wealthy Americans. This’ll be quick and easy. [Washington Post]
• The GOP’s latest Obamacare plan would preserve Obamacare protections… for members of Congress and their staff. [Politico]
• Republicans really don’t want Trump to pull out of NAFTA. [Politico]
• The president is “absolutely” considering splitting up the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, which has stymied significant aspects of his agenda. Seems normal and not dictator-y at all, yep! “Everybody immediately runs to the 9th Circuit. And we have a big country. We have lots of other locations,” he said. [Business Insider]
• The FCC has released a proposal to roll back its net neutrality rules. [Washington Post]
• After being suspended for encouraging lower-court judges to ignore the Supreme Court’s ruling on marriage equality, Alabama Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore is running for Jeff Sessions’ Senate seat. [The Hill]

Here are some tweets that the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.