When I was first learning to masturbate, we didn’t have any of these fancy, newfangled vibrator shapes you young folk are getting yourselves off with. If a smooth cylinder couldn’t make you cum, tough shit.
A new company has got an exciting prospect for those of us who who need more and no longer use words. The Emojibator is a great way to vibrate yourself a Little Death without learning to spell. In keeping with their millennial demographic, the site shows all the ways the Emojibator can enter your life via Snapchat looking stills:
I’m sorry, but this isn’t sanitary:
…Something like this may have happened to me:
The Emojibator is available for only $32 and brags that it’s waterproof for both bath and shower play. It’s a slightly below average 4.84″ x 1.22″. If you are someone who has trouble communicating with real people in this world of texts and pings and snaps, then stay home with your lil’ eggplant and hit “send.”
One thing I do like about the Emojibator is that it complicates the meaning of sending a potential hook up the eggplant symbol. It could mean you’re inviting them over, it could mean you’re staying home to masturbate. Like texts aren’t easy enough to misunderstand already, smdh.
GET JEZEBEL RIGHT IN YOUR INBOX
Still here. Still without airbrushing. Still with teeth.
