23 Last-Minute Topical Halloween Costumes for 2023 That Aren’t Barbie

Halloween is next Tuesday, which is an unfortunate day for any holiday—though it blessedly clearly indicates which weekend we’re supposed to celebrate on. (This upcoming one.) However, that is fast approaching, so if you want to go all out, you need to get on it stat. That being said... Do you really want to go all out? In this economy? During these times?? When everyone else will just be doing a take on Barbie or Taylor and Travis?

I say, save your brain waves and leave the Heidi Klum-level costumes to the rich. A good Halloween costume is clever, but a great Halloween costume is clever and easy. We’ve pored through every single second of the year so far to select 23 moments in politics and culture for you to dress up as—they’ll make you chuckle, but importantly, will require minimal investment. Your friends will laugh, your enemies will feel stupid in their Barbie-pink cowboy hats and bell bottoms, and you will be rich (in admiration and dollars saved). Happy haunting.

Who knew Justice Clarence Thomas looooooves luxury travel? Definitely not the public, since since he never disclosed any of those private jet or superyacht trips! That is, until earlier this year, when a ProPublica investigation revealed the hundreds of thousands of dollars he’s accepted in travel from a GOP donor including “at least three vacations on a 162-foot superyacht with a private chef.” Incredible. Anyway, for this one, wear a black robe and hang a pick of a 162-foot superyacht around your neck.

This costume is also known as “Wanting Something That Wants to Be There Being Very Realistic in Very Realistic Times.” Drew’s apology video for deciding to bring back her talk show despite the writer’s strike was super confusing, but her look is easy as hell! Grab a mauve sweatshirt, throw a bit of Surf Spray in your hair, push some glasses on top of your head, and spend the evening giving out nonsense apologies that vaguely sound like musings from a drunk, dollar-store Glennon Doyle.

Nothing Mike Pence has done has ever been good (take this, this, and this!) but Pence taking such great notes during the January 6 insurrection that they helped Trump get indicted was definitely Not Bad. Simply dress up like a male Republican who calls his wife “mother” and carry around a folder of “contemporaneous notes.”

God, Richie driving home from his apprenticeship at the Michelin-starred Chicago restaurant after Everything Clicked is, in my opinion, one of the greatest, most joyous moments of television, ever. I am getting chills just writing this. And his car look is so much easier than his restaurant look—wear a grey t-shirt and leather jacket, and just scream Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” at the top of your lungs. An extra Michelin star for you if you finagle some type of seatbelt situation.

This is one of my personal favorites—especially if you still have an old Herve Leger-esque bandage dress lying around from when they were in style in like, 2012. Boebert got thrown out of a Colorado theater for vaping, groping, and just generally being rude to the people around her. So for your costume, carry a fake vape (we don’t condone actually vaping); throw some loose waves in your hair; and act obnoxious to everyone. If you really wanna nail this, find a date who owns a bar that hosts drag shows<3

Want to celebrate Halloween and show your support for the comrade orcas? Get a couple of pals to dress as killer whales (black pants, black hoodie, white tee, and a black fin taped on your back) and one person to fashion a fancy yacht costume (we’d accept dressing as a ship captain, as well). Then just have the orcas run into the yacht/captain a couple of times throughout the evening—and perhaps the yacht/sea captain can carry a coupe of champagne (or prosecco, let’s be real) to spill while they’re getting rocked by orcas. Everyone loves prop work!

You definitely don’t need to wear a Jackie O. gown (and actually, it’d be funnier if you don’t) but throw on some elbow-length gloves, cake on some makeup, put your hair in an updo, and act like you’re the wife of one of the worst men in the world.

Gwynnie served some lewks during the two-week trial, but you should definitely recreate the one she wore when, after winning the trial (she was awarded $1 in damages), she walked by Terry Anderson—the man who sued her over a collision on a bunny hill at a Utah ski resort in 2016—and said: “I wish you well.”

I don’t even think I need to break this down for you.

If you live somewhere that won’t be freezing on October 31, why don’t you dress as Roman Roy hiding out at his mom’s Barbados beach house? Famously, this blue T-shirt cost a whopping $13.96 from Walmart. If you follow @SuccessionFashion, you understand this particular costume choice to be a pointed metaphor for Roman’s emotional state as he retreats back to mommy dearest. Put a little bandage on your head and go find your Gerri.

The beauty of dressing up as George Santos for Halloween lies in the freedom of dressing up as George Santos for Halloween. Just as Mr. Santos is uninhibited by the guardrails of truth, so too can you roam free in your interpretation of what dressing up as Mr. Santos looks like.

You can dress up as a Wall Street banker, a job Santos said he once held. You can say you once ran an animal care facility—or dress as a Brazilian drag queen. You can make up any costume and there is a high chance Santos will at some point in the future claim that he was whatever you dress up as.

Yes, M3GAN came out this year (January), if you can believe that. But dressing up as M3Gan seems complicated and involves trying to find a wig as well as a child’s dress...but in an adult size. It’s much easier to dress up as Allison Williams’ character, Gemma, who has two looks: Scientist Gemma—which is when she wears black pants with a button-up and some type of blazer for going to work—and Athleisure Gemma, when she wears pj pants, oversized knits, and comfy long sleeves to hang at home and take care of her dead sister’s child. Straighten your hair, and spend your evening looking a little stressed that your brilliant invention might be murdering kids and neighbors.

This one’s super easy! All you need is the loudest, tackiest shirt or dress you can imagine. Toss on a few accessories that do not complement one another and you’re all set to be the most annoying bisexual at the party in the Senate.

As you’ve probably heard, Y2K fashion is back—from the dead! Which gives you (if you are Gen X or a millennial, that is) the perfect opportunity to dress up as a zombie-fied version of your favorite early aughts look. Dig deep into your closet to find some low rise jeans and a baby tee (and ideally an old flip phone in your rarely-opened junk drawer). Paint on some zombie makeup and you’re ready to spook the hell out of some teens and 20-somethings who don’t realize how deeply unsettling these trends are to those of us over 30.

This might be the easiest costume on the list: Nancy Mace wearing her dumb “A” because, as she explained earlier this month, “I’m wearing the scarlet letter after the week that I just had, last week, being a woman up here and being demonized for my vote and for my voice.” Never mind that this literary reference is a nod to adultery, and Mace famously loves to talk about boning her fiancé. Extra points if you can go method (and by that I mean you’ve also never read The Scarlet Letter).

If you’re looking to wear slutty business casual (the most powerful sartorial combination) then may I suggest you dress up as powerful business woman and misandrist Gloria Masters (Megan Thee Stallion) in the movie Dicks: The Musical. Haven’t seen this perfect movie? Megan reportedly learned all of her lines and choreography in a day so you ought to be able to handle this costume in the remaining few days before Halloween.

In March, NYC Mayor Eric Adams announced he hired a “Rat Czar” to handle the city’s growing rodent fiasco.

“The first thing I asked her is, ‘How do you feel about rats?” Adams said at the time. “And I was waiting for some type of, you know, ‘Well, I think they should be around’ — No. She made it very clear: ‘I hate rats.’” Boss bitch! Wear a crown, maybe a robe, and carry around a bag of plastic rats or something.

A solid choice for best friends and/or couples! One of you look absolutely smoking, with a full face of makeup and accessories, and the other one look like a total scrub in a sweatsuit and baseball hat. I hope you get to be the scrub. But the real winner of this costume is that you have a reason to spend your day/evening/weekend eating Krispy Kreme donuts.

Reports over the summer suggested that Kari Lake had all but moved into Mar-a-Lago in a bid to be Trump’s 2024 VP pick. But she recently announced her candidacy for an Arizona Senate seat (she’ll go up against Sinema if she wins the GOP primary) so I guess she’s moved out. According to an anonymous Trump staffer speaking to the Daily Beast, Trump had become irritated that Lake was a “shameless, ruthless demagogue who wants power and will do whatever she has to do to get it” and hated that she was “running around saying she should be VP.” So, this costume’s easy: Just wear a blazer, carry a moving box, and run around saying you should be VP.

Got a a black dress and a lion stuffed animal? Done. Throw your hair in a high pony and call it a night.

It’s been an exciting year of even more government confirmation that yes, aliens are real. Dress up however you interpret “alien”—or better yet, tell your friends you’ll be dressing up as an alien and then just stay home...since we haven’t actually seen them yet.

Another very easy costume! Wear whatever you want, sans underwear, and you’ve got yourself Jenna Bush Hager’s go-to outfit.

Both Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett and Samuel Alito expressed this year that they don’t get why people are made them. “We are being hammered daily, and I think quite unfairly in a lot of instances. And nobody, practically nobody, is defending us,” Alito told the Wall Street Journal in April. “Public scrutiny is welcome. Increasing and enhancing civics education is welcome,” Barrett said at a judicial conference in August. “To the extent that it gives them misimpressions, that’s a negative development.”

Wear a black robe and looked annoyed or confused or upset the whole night. When people ask what’s wrong, say something like, “I don’t know. I took away people’s rights and bodily autonomy but I just have no clue why everyone hates me.”