Whatever a Capricorn is doing, just know they’re doing it better than you. The most ruthlessly determined sign of the stars is also the most goddamn dignified—they’ll slice through competition with a sterling silver Tiffany knife and then use it to enjoy a celebratory Michelin-starred filet mignon, because they just got another raise, promotion, honorary degree, penthouse, couple mil from counting cards at the casino, etc. Way less fun than a Taurus and way more organized than a Virgo, these Earth signs are pessimistic realists who invented Excel. But if they trust you enough to let loose a little, you’ll be in for a wild night.
The only thing they really want is success, but unless you’re their boss, here are some other options: As one of the most famous Capricorns, a book about David Bowie ($18) would inspire and humble your Capricorn—and Bowie’s Bookshelf: The Hundred Books That Changed David Bowie’s Life is a to-do list of shit to read, making your sea goat the happiest little sea goat in the land. A wooden, stand-up to-do list ($65) would let them take a break from their iPads and laptops while still admiring all the shit that they have to do that makes them important. Or, get really wild and give them a cheeky coffee mug ($20) that will get them to take a breath, crack a smile, but still be thinking of Excel.
