9-Year-Old Badass Defends Her Right To Eat Snickers By Hurling Chair At Cop

Guess where this happened? Florida! Specifically Fort Myers. It all started because the bus driver told the unnamed fourth grader to stop eating candy on the bus. On Halloween! Come on. I think we all know that asking a kid not to eat candy on Halloween is like requesting that a junkie not do any herion when that junkie is high on heroin and surrounded by heroin on a holiday celebrating heroin.

Anyway. The Smoking Gun reports that this young lady became “very upset” and started yelling at the bus driver. Then she spat on him as she exited the bus. Once on the street, this candy enthusiast threw rocks at the bus. When a sheriff’s deputy arrived on the scene and asked the student to stop pelting the vehicle with stones, the darling child eloquently expressed her frustration at the situation, by saying:

“Fuck you! Fuck you! Shut the fuck up. I will fuckin’ kill you.”

Then she picked up an aluminum patio chair and threw it at the deputy. She’s been charged with four felonies and is on home detention for 21 days. Candy is a helluva drug.

Girl, 9, Facing Four Felonies For Wild School Bus Tantrum, Battering Sheriff’s Deputy [The Smoking Gun]