Monday night was Latin night on Dancing With the Stars, which meant a lot of sex moves, fake tanner, and my dad and party captain Pitbull as guest judge.
Ryan Lochte and partner Cheryl performed a solidly not-good dance, in which Lochte stripped nude and was covered in neon body paint.
Amber Rose ran out of the practice studio crying after her partner Maksim Chmerkovisky (the elder of the narcissistic Chmerkovisky brothers) punched a mirror in rage (he should be fired).
Judge Carrie Ann Inaba (who I freaking love) demonstrated in her notes to Amber that she does not understand the concept of the glass ceiling: “There’s like a glass ceiling. But like, it’s glass, it’s not there. If you can break through that, it’ll be incredible!”
The ultra-ambitious, humorless duo of Marilu Henner and Derek Hough continues to terrorize the season with joyless ballroom dance. (For what it’s worth, I think this is Derek’s influence.)
Ultimately, Amber Rose was voted off, likely because she was objectively not as good as the others. But I feel for her suffering with Maks.
The Dances Worth Watching
Hot couple Jana Kramer and Gleb’s porn tango:
Calvin Johnson Jr. and Lindsay’s differently sexy tango:
And, obviously, Laurie Hernandez who lived up to her rep as Laurie Hernandez:
