Amy Poehler Is Really Sorry If She Hurt Taylor Swift’s Feelings, Admits She’s Going to Hell

By Doug Barry  |  March 6, 2013 | 1:00am
CelebritiesDirt Bag

Remember back this morning when Taylor Swift condemned chuckle sisters Tina Fey and Amy Poehler to eternal hellfire? Yes, well, Amy Poehler has FINALLY apologized for hurting T-Swizzle’s feelings (Tina Fey has probably fled to Wallonia, dyed her hair, and changed her name to Lady Valendorfean).

When pressed for comment on the now-infamous Vanity Fair Taylor Swift sit-down in which the singer insinuated that Fey and Poehler would be traveling on an express trip to hell for mocking her at the Golden Globes, Poehler told The Hollywood Reporter:

Aw, I feel bad if she was upset. I am a feminist, and she is a young and talented girl. That being said, I do agree I am going to hell. But for other reasons. Mostly boring tax stuff.

Poehler’s apology feels sort of, kind of like a classic non-apology, but, then again, this is sort of, kind of a non-issue. It’s just important that we all do what we can to keep Amy Poehler out of the fictional punishment dimension called hell. Anyone want to trade souls with her and do her taxes? There’s a Charleston Chew and an Arby’s gift certificate in it for you… [THR]

The Alec Baldwin, Shia LaBeowulf blood feud continues, though it’d be way more interesting if Shia had a whole gaggle of brothers who could duel with the Baldwins, Montague/Capulet style. Speaking of the theater, Shia tweeted recently, “The theater belongs not to the great but to the brash.” Vulture asked Alec Baldwin whether he concurred, and he said,

I can tell you that, in all honesty, I don’t think he’s [Shia] in a good position to be giving interpretations of what the theater is and what the theater isn’t. I mean, he was never in the theater. He came into a rehearsal room for six or seven days…

Besides, if Shia LaBeouf really knew what he was tweeting about, that would make Stephen Baldwin one of the finest stage thespians of our generation rather than a guy who does Christian infomercials and who played Barney Rubble in the Flintstones live-action sequel. [Vulture]

It’s true: Johnny Depp really is that annoying dude who always seems to have an acoustic guitar and a faltering rendition of “Brown Eyed Girl” on hand for whenever he finds himself among an intimate gathering of people. While taking a break from filming Lucky Them in Seattle, Depp strummed and crooned for the quaint townspeople of Carnation, Washington. Panties and boxer briefs were dropped, babies were made, sexual preferences were reconsidered. [Living Snoqualmie]

Terrence Howard got to do a sexy sexy sex scene with Oprah The experience was life-changing: “Oprah and I had such chemistry. To be able to make out with Oprah and to have love scenes with her and those tig ol’ bitties … She’s such a lovely, voluptuous woman … That was wonderful.” Huh, and here I always thought Terrence Howard was a professional actor and not an eight-year-old boy who’s just found a sticky Penthouse under a mound of playground woodchips. [Movie Fanatic]

Emma Stone, currently filming Spider-Man 2: Two, tweeted, “nawder nad islasehne tsintgi ni a erte,” which is your celebrity word jumble of the day (the hint is JEALOUSY). If you can unjumble the jumble, you win a decoder ring that will help you read the cipher movie stars use to communicate. If you can’t unscramble it because you’re a big dummy, then you get nothing (also, there’s no decoder ring — sorry). [E!]

  • Kate Middleton‘s vagina will soon crown a baby girl princess of all the Britons. [Us]
  • Britney Spears joined Kevin Federline for orange slices at their sons’ soccer game. K-Fed’s current paramour was there and it was not at all awkward. [Us]
  • Carly Rae Jepsen was all set to perform at the Boy Scouts of America’s National Scouting Jamboree, until an online petition asking her denounce the organization’s ban on gay Scouts and gay Scout leaders made her realize that she has better things to do with her time than entertain a historically bigoted organization. Like, say, stare blankly at a wall. [E!]
  • Noted football heaver Michael Vick has purchased a dog, specifically, a Belgian Malinois, which is a breed well-known for its military prowess and adorability. [Crazy Days and Nights]
  • Super couple Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds donned blue smocks and visited the Science North animal center in Ontario. [E!]
  • Adam Levine and Gossip Girl alum Amanda Setton are now officially playing with each others’ genitals. [Radar]
  • Kate Upton‘s doppelganger sort of looks like Kate Upton. [Buzzfeed]
  • Rachel Weisz will probably make her Broadway debut alongside husband and muscle pile Daniel Craig in an upcoming production of Harold Pinter’s Betrayal. [Broadway]
  • Amanda Peet will officially get her first official playwriting credit, officially, when the Manhattan Theater Club performs her play The Commons of Pensacola. [NY Times]
  • Julie Bowen‘s stylist (who is also Kristen Stewart‘s stylist) is trying to get her to wear more “revealing” outfits, but Julie Bowen isn’t really feeling it. [Us]
  • Chris Brown is buying Rihanna lots of presents, because nothing says, “I’m a better human now” than lots of shiny material objects. [in Touch]
  • Russell Brand swore on live English television. Then he apologized and put on the Mackintosh of Shame British Islanders have to wear when they use foul language. [E!]
  • Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy wrote a blog post about how much he hates that Internet people hate hateable things like Nickelback, Dane Cook, Limp Bizkit, and Creed. So, go on and take that time machine back to 2004 so you can stop hating those relevant entertainers. [Patrick Stump]
  • Why haven’t you invited Helen Mirren to any of your America’s Next Top Model viewing parties? She dyed her hair pink and everything, just as a conversation starter. [Celebitchy]
  • Lady Gaga concert promoters are really pissed about having the singer’s June 3 concert in Jakharta cancelled over terrorist threats. They’ll be suing someone, obviously. [THR]
  • Apparently, a bunch of Lady Gaga‘s monsters protested Madonna presenting at the GLAAD Awards, criticizing Madge for “killing so many gay men by promoting promiscuous sex in 1980’s.” Erm… [Examiner]
  • John Oliver will sit at the Daily Show desk while Jon Stewart goes on hiatus to try being a fancy-pants film director. [Deadline]
  • Drake made it rain at a Charlotte nightclub. Also, Charlotte is a banking hellpit of a city with delightful barbecue. O Charlotte, such ambivalence you instill in your visitors! [Charlotte Observer]
  • “Fact: I love you, Anne!” is what Amanda Seyfried tweeted to try and slake Anne Hathaway‘s dress rage. [The Superficial]
  • Justin Bieber was late to his last performance in London, so the next time he performs in the fog-choked fire hazard on the Thames, he will show up 30 minutes early. Just kidding! He’ll only show up two minutes early. [E!]
  • Lena Dunham has finally offered some much-needed Lena Dunham insight into Oberlin’s recent spate of guerilla racism. She tweeted, “Hey Obies, remember the beautiful, inclusive and downright revolutionary history of the place you call home. Protect each other.” [AP]
  • Brad Pitt arrived in France to promote a wine that he and Angelina Jolie made with the power of child labor. Don’t worry — the Pitt-Jolie kids think they’re just playing “stomp the grapes.” They have a blast. [E!]
  • James Franco would like to do a musical. Or smoke more weed, he hasn’t decided yet. [E!]

 
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