And Now, The Results Of Our Quiz!

By Hortense Smith  |  January 16, 2010 | 9:00pm
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Now that you’ve picked out your red carpet attire, prepared your speech, grabbed your gift bag, and graciously thanked the Academy, it’s time to reveal the results of our awards show cliche quiz. And the nominees results are:

If You Answered Mostly A’s: You Are The Seasoned Vet: It’s cute that people keep asking you if you still get excited about awards. Of course you do! But you’ve been to this ball so many times that you can accept an Oscar in your sleep. You’re a total professional and a class act, and you’re always kind and gracious to your fellow nominees, even during years when your biggest competitor is actually…yourself.

If You Answered Mostly B’s: You Are The Star-Struck Newcomer: The entire world is talking about your meteoric rise to fame, and it’s all just too much to take in. You’re just happy to be here, and you can’t believe this is all really happening. If all goes well, you’ll be back next year. But you aren’t worried about that now. Tonight, you’re just living the dream.

If You Answered Mostly C’s: You Are The Kooky Actress With Questionable Behavior: You stumble up to the podium and do your thing, no matter what anyone says. Are you drunk? Nervous? High? Just kind of weird? NOBODY KNOWS! Everyone will be talking about your performance, though it may not be in the way you’d hoped.

If You Answered Mostly D’s: You Are The Super Emotional Speech Giver: You’ll laugh, you’ll definitely cry, you may scream, you’ll probably say “Oh gosh…oh!” and you’ll either be loved or mercilessly mocked for it.

If You Answered Mostly E’s: You Are The Dude Who Doesn’t Get The Concept Of “Wrap It Up”: Oh, is that music playing? The orchestra? Where is that music coming from? You just need to thank 9872 more people! Why won’t they let you keep talking? You haven’t even thanked your entire 8th grade social studies class yet! Wait! Wait! Don’t go to commercial! Noooooo!

If You Answered Mostly F’s: You Are The Drinker: The drinker can work two ways, really: either you get so thirsty that you end up drinking a bit too much, like Mariah Carey, or you drink so much that you end up in the bathroom when your award is called, like Christine Lahti did in 1998.

If You Answered Mostly G’s: You Are The Smug Industry Guy: Everyone in the room hates you, and hates seeing you win, but you don’t give a fuck because hating is for LOSERS, kid! Plus, you know they secretly respect you, even if they don’t want to admit it.

If You Answered Mostly Hs: You Are The Corporate Shill: You’re only there because you have a show to promote. It is probably on on Tuesdays. At 10.

[Images via Getty.]

 
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