A lot of important things happened yesterday: healthcare was saved, North Korea launched a missile into Japanese waters, Congress and the military pushed back against Trump’s transgender ban, Trump seemed to endorse police brutality to roaring applause, Pakistan’s Prime Minister stepped down–BUT HOLY GUACAMOLE WHAT IS THIS NUTBAG DOING IN THE WHITE HOUSE NOW??–is the headline which leads today’s news.
Gone is Anthony Scaramucci, the humble public servant the country met just last week, who sacrificed the luxuries of Wall Street to serve his country as the new White House communications director. Say hello to The Mooch, baby, a loose cannon in sunglasses who calls up the New Yorker to trash his colleagues in penis-filled rants. Today, his battle with White House chief of staff Reince “Penis” Priebus (Scaramucci’s nickname) is leading the news with yesterday afternoon’s whirlwind announcement that Trump had replaced Priebus with a cabinet member, Secretary of Homeland Security John Kelly, apparently fulfilling the vengeance which Scaramucci had wanted. At about the same time, Scaramucci’s wife announced that she’s filing for divorce. Today, the Mooch’s divorce lawyer, who’d handled his previous divorce in 2011, characterized him as “always calm and rational.”