Blood-Swapping Tech Bro Extends Eternal Youth Ambitions to Penis
Bryan Johnson, 45, is shocking his, uhm, Johnson in hopes of never dying? Did I get that right?
Photo: Bloomberg (Getty Images) Alternative Medicine
Bryan Johnson, the 45-year-old man whose pursuit of eternal youth has driven him to swap blood with his 17-year-old son, is directing his attention below the belt. His belt, to be specific. Tomorrow he will start getting Alprostadil injected into his penis as a part of his “penis rejuvenation” journey. That’s right: Johnson is trying to rejuvenate his Johnson. Godspeed, I suppose.
According to the Mayo Clinic, Alprostadil is used to treat erectile dysfunction, Johnson says he’s using it to increase “ejaculation vol[ume]” and “max urination speed” as well. I’m sorry to have to inform you that this man is also getting his “penis plaque” checked, which is apparently scar tissue or something that could slow down the speed of things coming out of his dick. I suppose it makes sense that a man so occupied with the passage of time is concerned with urinating as quickly as possible. He’s got to get back to taking 61 pills a day and eating 70 pounds of vegetables a month. Looking that spooky is a full-time job!
Johnson shared his goal on Instagram to increase the length and hardness of his nighttime erections from 2 hours and 12 minutes to 3 hours and 30 minutes, the latter of which is the average noctural erection time of an 18-year-old. Also, for full transparency, I’m just taking Johnson’s word for that. I don’t quite have it in me to Google “18-year-old nocturnal erections” on my work (or personal) laptop.