In today’s Tweet Beat, Seth Rogen has a useful skill that he’s not sharing with the world, Amanda Bynes is the wisest sage on all of Twitter, and Snooki really reads books (obviously; she is a New York Times Bestselling Author).
I’m so good at jerking off, it’s really a waste that I don’t give other guys more handjobs.
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) June 28, 2013
Twitter Is High School For Adults
— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) June 28, 2013
LOL I love the tweets of people so shocked ..”SNOOKI’S READING A BOOK?” -_________- #imhumantoo #ithink ��
— NiC0LE P0LiZZi (@snooki) June 28, 2013
someday we’ll find it….. the lovers the dreamers and me.
— John Stamos (@JohnStamos) June 28, 2013
4 hours of sleep. With makeup you can go from a zombie to a backstreet boy in minutes. http://t.co/TvXmRpjlXV
— Nick Carter (@nickcarter) June 28, 2013
My favorite float in the Pride Parade is the older couple from Wisconsin with mouths agape in a rental car who took a wrong turn.
— Paula Pell (@perlapell) June 28, 2013
I’m actually writing a rom com called “40 Love” about a middle aged woman who has a baby with her tennis instructor
— Jena Friedman (@JenaFriedman) June 28, 2013
These bitches in CASH CAB just won $1,050 bucks! @cheynethomas #damnthatwasagoodassround
— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) June 28, 2013
I love when something is so familiar yet also remarkable. It’s the nature of genius…think that’s why I adore Kubrick so much.
— Aubrey O’Day (@AubreyODay) June 28, 2013
Hell is being trapped in a room with a journalist who asks you what your “festival tips” are, on loop
— MARINA &THE DIAMONDS (@MarinasDiamonds) June 28, 2013
I’ve opened a Kickstarter to raise money for my lunch. I only need a cheeseburger and fries. Hope everyone will chip in.
— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) June 28, 2013
Siri, prioritize the kiki’s I’ve been invited to this pride weekend
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) June 28, 2013
Last night was so hot it was like Ashley Judd’s décolletage in A Time To Kill pic.twitter.com/XQI6SA0k92
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) June 28, 2013
Son, this wallet is chained to my buttock for it has killed 2 other wallets & I am a taking it to leather jail. I am a federal marshall.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) June 28, 2013
No sentence conveys ‘wonderful mother’ more than ‘Hold on a sec while Mama finishes this tweet’.
— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) June 28, 2013
I really like Mango.
— Harry Styles (@Harry_Styles) June 28, 2013
Just spent 20 minutes trying to explain to my 7 year old who the grim reaper is. #Unsuccessful
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) June 28, 2013
Hey @PhilCollinsFeed did you ever learn to dance?
— timheidecker (@timheidecker) June 28, 2013
My daughter just hugged this gentleman and exclaimed: ‘Daddy!’ pic.twitter.com/29RIfa9Dpe
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) June 28, 2013
Dear Man On The Street With Clip Board Who Asked Me If I Was A Registered Republican, I’m sorry I laughed in your face.
— Jesse Tyler Ferguson (@jessetyler) June 28, 2013
A commercial for pre-lubricated catheters came on and my 4 year old casually turned to me, “You should get those, they’re for women.”
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) June 28, 2013
One of the concerts i have coming up…I’m not going to say which one…I’m just going to filibuster.
— josh groban (@joshgroban) June 28, 2013
Image via Getty.
GET JEZEBEL RIGHT IN YOUR INBOX
Still here. Still without airbrushing. Still with teeth.
