Cardi B Says She Misses Offset's Dick, That's All 

Cardi B drinks five cups of coffee a day but only when she’s in New York. Same! But only cause I live here.

Less applicable to my life? Cardi states about three minutes into this Instagram Live chat that she really misses estranged husband Offset’s dick. “My gag reflexes are leaving cause I haven’t sucked dick in such a long time “ Cardi begins. “I miss it…a lot,” she says between sips of coffee number too-many, “I want it…in my throat…inside of me…demolishing me…destroying me.”

It’s a great little speech, akin to poetry, really, a seminal work, whispered with all the breathy languor of a perfume commercial. Caffeine is a hell of a drug. So is good dick.

Luckily both are plentiful and neither require going back to a cheating, spotlight-stealing man!

[E! News]

---

In the grand tradition of Pete Davidson and that guy who dates Zoe Kravitz, Ansel Elgort bleached his hair.

[The Cut]

---

• Only one name leaps out of this latest Kardashian lawsuit situation and it’s “Lisa Bloom.” [Page Six]
• Ariana Grande making her Christmas tree setup look like it’s out of the “No Tears Left to Cry” music video. [TMZ]
• Theresa Caputo and Larry Caputo’s divorce has been finalized. [Page Six]
More from Jezebel
• The ‘We Want More Babies’ Ticket Has No Plan for Childcare Costs
• Give Sir Ian McKellen Another Title for Excellence in Shading the Royal Family
• JD Vance Dislikes That School Shootings Are a 'Fact of Life,' But What Can Ya Do